There is a performative aspect in all things. Slipping on Tory Burch flats over kitten heels. The elongation of the calf has intentionality to presentation. Expectation can shape the performance. Pulpit Rock is a chestnut buried in the nitrogen rich Iowa soil, in the expansive shade of a goliath neighbor. So what is the celebration when a brewery turns five, carved by the undulating Hawkeye winds.

This release had a botched email system, with frantically scrambling employees attempting in a pandemic to right the perceived wrongs from an entitled fan base. For their liberties they prize and stouts they will maintain. 150 bottles of Five were raffled off. Each tiny party hat, a unilateral RSVP to a maskless share somewhere distant.

Reviews of the soiree roll in, laconic and dripping in coffee. It is a debutant ball for men with early onset diabetes complaining about the lack of sweetness in the sweet thing they savored for hardly a moment. This beer is coffee driven in a fantastic way. Hazelnut is the supportive mother who supports her son’s participation in color guard. It is shaped by the performance.

The barrel is there and buttresses the espresso and crisp brownie corners, like a pair of shearling boots with a slight wobble to the heel. Present, but not unfitting. Focusing on the vanilla is like parsing out background vocals in an Ariana Grande song. The organism dies under malty scrutiny.

The birthday was a rousing success. Distant recipients rested their bulbous chins on screen print tees and navigated prepaid data plans on android phones chortling “NOT WORTH THE HYPE.” For some, nullification is the performance. The denial of greatness is their contribution. A walking heckling North Face vest stuffed with insecurity. This beer is exceptional albeit unrefined. It’s unrestrained coffee slap chops to the clavicle.

If you enjoy extremely coffee forward beers that demonstrate the pinnacle of the genre, this is for you. If you enjoy validating your sense of self worth deconstructing your own expectations, then this is for you. The contoured cheekbones were a choice, smoky eyed Urban Decay, the performance of entirely avoiding a bottleshare. Happy belated birthday Pulpit Rock.