Three Taverns Helms Deep German Chocolate Cake is intensely novel

Everyone was creaming their respective coconut labias over Helms Deep last year and I had all these southern boys telling me how it was some off brand Bake Kujira. The chin scratching was dermatologically significant. This seems squarely pastry namely that it is literally named German Chocolate Cake and seems to look down longingly to the stretch of waterhags and everglade addled landmass to what Angry Chair is up to with bakery dreams like Kristen Wig in bridesmaids. Everyone tryna bake, kujira notwithstanding. This has exactly what you anticipate, odd little white “coconut” or “coagulated protein matter in suspension” depending on which side of the condescending prick argument you wish to align with. There’s chunks. The nose is inredible and has waves of complexity even for what can be a heavy handed style at its inception. Blackforest chocolate, pudding, mild acidity espresso roast akin to Black Cat, a fucking odddddd sherry barrel character peddling cognac soaked prunes and kinda orchard rot and oversaturated port oak. But it’s cakey at its core. The heft of this cannot be overstated, this undulates out of the bottle with a hateful reluctance. You see yourself and dark shortcomings in the protein sheen of obsidian reflection. You are calorically worse for the energy imparted but this massive endeavor. So of course I drink this alone at 2am while listening to 90s electrodance and playing Monster Hunter world, a lil look in the spicy behind the scenes world of DDB. Bake this is not, BAIGCC this is not, but this is appears more deliberate than capacity driven. The sherry riff was intention and its super novel. You get such a weird merger of like fudge meets craisins, is that the world you want to live in? I would rather see innovation than the laughably predictable shit that the Prairie single barrel “innovation bros” came up with and suffice it to say, no one would have made something like this. And even if I get Hyundai mileage out of ripping on Dark Lord variants, at least when they are shitty they are trying something, even if it is a Miller Boyette punchline. This is good, it tastes very good and I haven’t had stouts that take this approach but it your boner will remain unshattered, there’s not enough chocolately liquid nitrogen to go full T1000 and you live to bake another day.

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