Here’s some words about completely unrelated beers ok go. Side project offshoot schramms rough tail

Blend 4 and it does not disappoint, I feel like this might be my favorite blend to date. No disrespect to the dudes with BMI 40+ and chondromalacia standing in line for tete as we speak but, this beer just crushes. It’s the next Digimon evolution of Avril, lemon lime Powerade mixed with crackly mineral Theraflu. Intensely drinkable, pillowy carb, that dry limestone finish like an unbonded contractor. It checks all the boxes and is ultra economical relative to the usual scrotum twisting cost of entry those [x]:1 StL bros usually demand. Get this and miss me with the razzle ammo

This was pretty okay, mouth feel is well done and I admire that they aren’t just going the exact route you would expect with pure Tropicana cunnilingus. It’s a touch vegetal and chardy with shallot and resin, knife hits off the stove, apricot and foxtail. Getting there.

Alright now we are cooking with tittygrease. This is very well done and holy shit the fact that this is a clean, tightly stitched TRIPLE IPA is staggering because those usually run head on into a crystal ethanol median and kill all passengers. It has a slight twitch of fusel but it’s almost charming relative to the pineapple and gymnosperm going on, endless days of raked leaves with guava juice thereafter. I had a complicated childhood. It finishes oily but the body washes away instantly and makes this one of those dangerous family gathering beverages where suddenly the secrets are coming out and why is Nana crying. Offshoot continues it’s completely bipolar 50:50 KD ratio. I’m ok with that.

I love this mead and every time I open one normies look at me like I am eating white cane sugar straight from the sack. This is a bargain basement approximation of the god tier meads and you can sip it and dream of the sights that melomel eagles must see. Crushed blackberry, currant, black cherry, grenadine and sucrets meld together in this jammy IHOP fellatio of flapjack proportions. I don’t have the time or energy to attempt to hype and manipulate the raffle values of meaderies that haven’t even opened yet, so instead I’ll just drink this soda concentrate and look at my ever expanding silver dollar nips, diverging from one another in a cellulite expanse like these gorilla tits exist in a loveless marriage but still share the same rib cage. What am i even talking about again

This one was a surprise that RKO’d me out of fukn nowhere. My hobby is finding shit that selfish locals are furtively enjoying and then ruining shit for them. It’s the palate equivalent of taking a kids Nerf ball and throwing it into a runoff canal. If I don’t get it, then no one gets to enjoy shit. Creamy chobani peach mixes with vape oil, apricot hookah and this weird 7th grader bedroom dankness. WE ALL KNOW UR NOT JUST LISTENING TO TOOL IN THERE.

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