Pittsburgh, PA (associated press)
Pittsburgh native, Hershel Worthington, age 81, was completely nonplussed by the breaking news that Troegs would be packaging their famous red ale, Nugget Nectar, in aluminum cans. According to onlookers, the octogenarian scarcely looked away from his syndicated episode of “Mike and Molly” when presented the news by his grandson, Chaz Worthington.
“Chaz was saying something about…there’s this red…its a red beer or some damn thing, and…Molly really got herself in a situation…mother in law coming over for dinner-” noted Hershel as he struggled with opening a Werther’s Original, “After Korea, I didn’t really touch the stuff, course in those days, you know every home had a photo of Ike in their home so…the idea of a Red beer, well…you can just…”
Troegs made the bold announcement last week that they intended on launching their iconic Red Ale in cans to corner the geriatric segment of the market and the coveted “fixed-income profits” attendant thereto. “Listen, one gamgam isn’t going to break us, we will stay the course,” stated Troegs owner, John Trogner, “we have been running ads during Matlock and the Rockford Files and we hope that their caregivers or whomever does their shopping will pick up a sixer of Nugget Nectar. We are currently working on an AARP discount to corner the market but, well I have already said too much.”
When presented an aluminum can of the hoppy libation, Worthington was said to have rolled it around in his weathered, liver-spotted palms before placing it next to his model train set. “Yeah…so Molly wants Mike to become a detective but…there’s a test…or some damn thing…” he noted while staring disdainfully at a group of Korean gentleman on the sidewalk, “so…this is a red ale? Do what now-”
At press time, Mr. Worthington reportedly was still completely unfazed by the silver object which had since made its way next to the case of Ensures. More details will be reported as this fast breaking story develops.