Elijah Craig Barrel Proof, Chopper in the bushes, burner up in the tree, Barrel proof will light up your chest like E.T.


Get your hazmat suits out for this 140 proof shit. Somewhere right around 70% abv, your gums just call in your sick and your penis uses its PTO. Nothing about this is refined or gentle, this is 23psi of boost with nos in the first gear while the turbo spools.

It pours syrupy thick with legs bigger than Nikki Minaj. The waft is intense lacquer, herbal vermouth notes, sawmill, it closes with intense fusel notes of ethanol and maple syrup meets sugar daddies. It’s like when your captor lays out all his implements on a towel and you are like “that’s going… Inside of me?”

The taste is some styrations for your liver, a deadening Novocain to the gum line and crackly heat along your bitter zones. It lends a syrupy butterscotch and gingerbread cookie soaked in cognac. It works the body with hay makers in the corner. The finish lingers longer than that 3 the next morning who wants to get brunch. The whole affair makes GEorge T stagg seem like a reasonable interlocutor by contrast.

I pussier out after an ounce and added a half ounce of water and things essentially returned to ec12 normal ass levels, defeating the purpose of this bottle entirely, unless you are like poor or something and need to make your bottle last. I didn’t buy this with an ebt card so I went back to anoos pounding no water no lube version and after your taste buds adjust to the shock, it is possible to enjoy this neat. Slow sips that coat the bottom lip like lip balm and that determination that some day you will pass that real estate exam and make it into the big leagues will keep you afloat.

Or just microwave it and pretend it is ec23 you poor asshole.

Edit: don’t microwave this, srs. Do not send DDB any tapes of you microwaving it they will not be opened.


I am drinking this off shelf common ass bourbon until the real ultra whale/prep kitchen aged whalezzz hit the scene.

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