Monthly Archives: January 2013

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TRADE VALUE OF KOPI LUWAK!?!

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I previously tried to land Kopi Luwak with 2 bottles of BCBS, and even 3 cans of DAISY CUTTER (!?) and was unsuccessful and it appears that we are in a ransom situation because there is what appears to be gauging taking place.

WHAT IS THE VALUE OF KOPI LUWAK? i want to know this before I go into any trades

I have mapped out the value of barrels versus coffee and I have reached the following conclusions.

SCIENCE IS SRS BZNSS

SCIENCE IS SRS BZNSS

Is my valuation correct? I just want to get the absolute most for my beer and not trying to get ripped off. I have heard other beer traders talk about being content with good beer but those are usually people with the best beers and I want to win trades against them/give less/receive more/cellar optimization.

Please someone help me out, I am sick of not winning trades. I used to be happy when both traders were happy, but tautologies aren’t working anymore.

Has anyone traded for this? with this? hand bottled it and flipped it for something better? I was considering aging it for a solid 3 years next to my BCBCS/CBS collection because I heard it increases the value, I WILL KEEP EVERYONE POSTED ON HOW TO WIN THE TRADES OK.

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THE SILVA STOUT IS TOO DAMN HIGH

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Someone complained that my score of 93 to Silva Stout is too high. Complainers gonna COMPLAINER.

My BAC tolerance is too damn high.

My BAC tolerance is too damn high.

I enjoyed that beer, thought it was super cutty and worth seeking out. Now everyone is punching themselves in the labias because you have to go to a dinner to get 4 packs of it this year. If someone seriously offered me $5 in offshelf locals for a beer as good as Silva Stout, I would tell them to go dryfuck an empty jacuzzi. That beer is for drinking, not trading. Unless someone has vintage GHOSTS , then, that is a totally different story.

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Logsdon Farmhouse Ales Peche ‘n Brett, Get Ready to Get your Peaches Gripped

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With everyone getting a fat throbbing alerection about this beer’s upcoming release, I figured I would let you know my impressions of this beer FROM BACK WHEN IT WAS MORE RARE AND THEREFORE MORE DELICIOUS. When this came out last year, people were still playing catchup and figuring out that this brewery bears a striking resemblance to a certain Vermont saison factory, but now that people know about how dank the regular old Saison Bretta is, I am sure this will be a shitshow which the PnW traders will administrate lovingly. I still can barely sit after that Cherry Adam from the Wood release. Let’s smash some peaches and stop fucking around.

The peach is there, but it doesn't taste like any of the Bretts that I know, WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA

The peach is there, but it doesn’t taste like any of the Bretts that I know, WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA

Logsdon Farmhouse Ales
Oregon, United States
American Wild Ale | 10.00% ABV

A: This is a messy old bottom of the carboy sort of affair. Smash up a bunch of saltines into a glass of Cable Car and you will be on point with how this looks. No one ever said saisons were beautiful, I SAID IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. The carbonation, as usual is excessive and goes hard in the paint, gushing all over my face and chest prior to payment. There is substantial lacing that appears wispy and then disappears forthright. The orange hues are inviting and make you bite your lip like reading Shades of Grey outside an elementary school.

what do you know about rare variant ticks? PEACHING IT LIKE A BOSS.

what do you know about rare variant ticks? PEACHING IT LIKE A BOSS.

S: This has a fantastic dryness to it that gushes hay, musk, puppy fur, peaches, apricots, and a wet leather. The fruit is actually in the back spinning records, not trying to take over the show, just supporting, making everyone wet. Smells like if someone crashed a Fantome truck into the truck delivering Upright Fantasia, AND EVERYONE WINS.

T: This is incredibly dry in execution at the outset and you brace yourself for a brett bomb but at the last minute they cut the peach wire and your palate is saved. The fruit again is not the main character but it imparts a sort of unity to the beer what with all the musk, cornbread, biscuit malt, hay, juicy juice, and Greek peach yogurt. This doesn’t get to that Fantome Ete smoothie level, but it is toeing THE FUCKING LINE. Also, if you have had Hill Farmstead Mimosa, this is suspiciously close to execution in many ways. Maybe those two breweries are saison eskimo brothers, pounding the same bugs. I am not a scientist, ask Rempo.

This beer is sweet, gentle, and a little dirty at the same time.

This beer is sweet, gentle, and a little dirty at the same time.

M: This is dry but not offputting because there is enough fruit and residual sugars from making this a super chardonnay heavy affair, I AM LOOKING AT YOU HILL FARMSTEAD E. Enough buttressing this review with references to other beers, this is refreshing and offers the biggest sniper 10% abv this side of Fantome Extra sour, seriously it sneaks in that bitch and starts riot shielding people in the skull. If you want to get faded really quickly and not know what happened, this is the beer for it. You will pop Skyrim in and wake up smelling like maple syrup with your character power leveled. Shit is real tight.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and unless you go to FIDM or are a negligent ass undergrad, I don’t know who could put these back on the reg and function in life. I could chain combo 2 of these together, but then I would start bidding on Marvel Masterpiece cards on eBay and all kinds of tawdry shit so maybe this beer being hard to find is a good thing. MAYBE THE MARKET IS ACTUALLY HELPING ME.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS NOT A FRUITED SAISON

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS NOT A FRUITED SAISON

Narrative: “Most people think that the Brita water cleans the water but it actually adds sodium sulfates to the hyd-” Your mind begins to wander and you look at Keith in disbelief that he would talk about water purification for 4 miles of this 12 mile hike. “Yeah I get it, brita, bottled water, so did you see Celebrity Apprentice last week?” “What? no no man you’re missing it, man you are just focusing on the end product if you-” Well now you went and did it, another rant, another incline, you went and taunted the complex mind and now you must deal with his single note expression. It is like a genius with an extremely limited scope, and your hydrolysis knowledge is exponentially grown. he begins to grow on you, his affectations and the glint of his eyes when he explains the separation of nitrate sulfides, you are listening, if only superficially. “So it IS NOT REALLY THE REVERSE OSMOSIS AT ALL!” he exclaimed while you picked a wild peach and bit into the skin, embracing the wild knowledge being dropped on you. The amount of balls tripped would not be insubstantial.

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Cigar City Double Barrel Marshall Zhukov, Beating Your Children After One Barrel Is Not Enough. DOUBLE IT.

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Florida used to rustle everyone’s jimmies with cries of homerism and being a hype machine but lately I have not heard a peep out of people getting pissed at small bottle runs or inaccessible wales. Let us go back to 2010 when walez were in full swing and did not trade for offshelf bottles purchased at Binny’s. This is DOUBLE FUCKING BARREL ZHUKOV. They aged it in bourbon AND brandy barrels, so if you are an indecisive prick, you get two barrels. Oh also this was a bottle run of ~219 bottles, so you probably don’t get either barrel. So think about that shit before you open up that CTRL+SHIFT+N window and start stroking it to these pics.

If you are pissed at the lighting and want to get all Sean Van Taggen on me, go get your own bottle and bisect a bag of dicks.

If you are pissed at the lighting and want to get all Sean Van Taggen on me, go get your own bottle and bisect a bag of dicks.

Cigar City Brewing
Florida, United States

Style | ABV
American Double / Imperial Stout | 11.50% ABV

A: Truthfully, this looks pretty shitty. It pours out a bit thinner than Huna in execution and doesn’t leave much in the way of lacing, but that MIGHT BE BECAUSE IT IS AS FLAT AS NATALIE PORTMAN AFTER BIKRAM YOGA. There is zero bubbles, no suds, no foam, no laotian people rubbing me down. No Table Shower, no fun to speak of. This shit is Kikoman’s Finest Hour, and sits there all placid like a Presbytarian on her wedding night. Fucking boring, crack open some BIC pens, boom instant Double Zhukov. Next section.

This is familiar, yet, strangely disquieting. These sweatpants are coming off.

This is familiar, yet, strangely disquieting. These sweatpants are coming off.

S: This smells dank as balls. There is a huge cherry and bourbon aspect but then that trickster brandy comes in with a sweet molasses meets mallow foam, like when your dick comes just a lil bit out of the hole in your boxers, not making itself completely known, but it is there. There is a sweet roast and char that reminds me of Darkness but the complexity of TWO BARRELS AT THE SAME DAMN TIME

I know I already posted this video. Allocating Fucks to be Given….processing….

ZERO RESULTS FOUND.

T: This tastes fucking amazing and reminds me if Bourbon Huna fucked Apple Brandy Huna, sticky black ink scissoring my timbers. You get chocolate, cocoa, sticky werther’s original and this black cherry finish to it like 4th of July BBQs. The sweetness in the end lingers like licking the brownie batter bowl, your creepy uncle just sits, watching you get your face all up in that stout bowl.

I def recommend this bottle, if you land it 3 years after release, mad props bro

I def recommend this bottle, if you land it 3 years after release, mad props bro

M: This is thick as to be expected from MZ, but it somehow is THINNER, like when Foothill pulls its magic trick and makes Sexual Chocolate thinner after its “barrel aging” for 1 trimester. I like it though, Huna has its own thing going on and this is more of a Foo Fighter to the intense Nirvana residual sugars present in Huna. This is more approachable and takes the sheeting slow, no diggity, you gotta bag it up.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable FOR THE WRONG REASONS. This is delicious yes, but the complete lack of carbonation makes this almost more like a baller ass Cabernet than a world class stout. You have to take bigger gulps to get that fulfillment. No entendre, there’s been enough for one review. I would recommend this certainly, but if you had your balls in a vice grip and had to choose, I would pick Bourbon Huna, but that is a pretty fucking strange scenario for your testicles.

Land a massive wale and complain about it. Do it for the lulz

Land a massive wale and complain about it. Do it for the lulz

Narrative: The 7th grade dance was going swimmingly, Boyz II men was spinning with luster and the boys and girls were partitioned with natural precision. It seemed like a traditional affair, girls and boys alike rife with insecurity, until Daniel Chambers entered the mediocre gym with the pre-teen swagger only an awkward lack of pubescence could produce. He was overly sweet with a miller’s outpost shirt that boasted a screen printed witticism that would make Voltaire blush. The Tony Rich project comes on and he walks through a group of knock kneed pre-women a solid 6 inches taller than him. It was not inconsequential that with his overriding sweetness, Daniel delivered backhanded insults to each of the already completely insecure girls, imparting a tart finish that was both forgotten immediately but left them wanting more. He deserved all his misfortunes, for he was a product of a botched marriage and wrought his vengeance upon the student body. As his swan song he slammed into a small filipino girl during basket case and was delivered resounding accords.