PEACH PIT SHOOTOUT: Bruery vs. August Schell Peach Berliner Cagematch, Hottenroth vs. Starkeller FIGHT TO THE DEATH

The dog days of summer are upon us. Between oppressive temperatures and people steaming mad over DDB writing for other sites, neckbeard taints are getting braised like osso bucco this August. Let’s bring things down to a more temperate climate and review some fruited Berliners. Relax, have a capri sun, talk shit anonymously on old DDB and savor some sweet fruit juices. Let’s avoid inclement nutsack heat and embrace ice cold refreshing peach scrotums for a change.

KelleRoth Cuvee, MANDATORY

KelleRoth Cuvee, MANDATORY

Today we have a new upstart from Minnesota that I have high hopes for, and a Dickensian underdog from Placentia that I expect to be a sulfuric mess. Let’s squeeze them peaches until the juice runs down your leg.

August Schell Starkeller Peach

7.2% abv, fruited “berliner”

“Starkbier Berliner Weisse aged on Peaches. This strong Berliner Weisse was brewed with an extensive decoction mash schedule and fermented with an authentic mixed culture then aged it for nearly a year in our original 1936 cypress wood lagering tanks before 5,500 pounds of peaches were added for a four month, tertiary fermentation.

The Bruery Hottenroth with Peaches

3.7 % abv

mmmm such turbid clarity

mmmm such turbid clarity

The look of the Starkeller is a complete trub cake mess. It is almost like they tossed the top 85% and racked only the bottom yeast slurry, replete with peach tannins. When people first were ISO this beer I was like “here we go another Pizza Boy trainwreck” and held my breath for that Jamba Juice fruit fingering.

The Peach Hotty surprisingly has its shit completely together this time around and is nothing like the Mango hoarders only treat from last year. After the mango mess and the warning emails I prepared for the worst and then Bruery trolled the fuck out of me by making a beautiful beer with ample carb. OC breweries always pulling DDBs pants down and slapping them peaches. WHEN WILL I LEARN.

The nose on the starkeller is overwhelming peach purée, waves upon waves of not only peach blossom but the pithy fruit almost going to this autolyzed over-fruited/over-saturated level. It feels like the platonic form of Peach, upper case “P.” Emerging from the dogmatic berliner cave attempting to apprehend this stone fruit blast is too much truth to apprehend.

inb4 "nice groutwork u poor fuk"

inb4 “nice groutwork u poor fuk”

The hottenroth is nimble and presents a fantastic degree of peach but never overshadows the base beer, which is both awesome and atypical of Bruery to exhibit balance and poise in fruited wild ales. There is the lemon and brackish salinity of the base Hotty and then a Haribo peach ring and Orange jolly rancher blast acting in tandem and not screaming over one another like some Ann Coulter peach debate.

The mouthfeel of the Starkeller is creamy and frothy with a heft that coats layers upon layers of sticky sherwin williams peachy discharge. It is magnificent and almost too much at the same time, taking down a whole bottle of this is like binge watching Kurosawa films where the pure unbridled focus becomes draining in longer sessions. I wonder if the massive grist and pith of the fruit will metabolize down over time, but when enjoyed fresh it almost feels like Peach Bu with a 12 hour boil. It is berliner concentrate. It is a Denny’s soup at 3 am, fruit soup DISTILLED to a powerful new form.

The Hottenroth is less impressive in the mouthfeel and feels watery and insubstantial by contrast. Then again, it has HALF THE FUCKING ALCOHOL CONTENT.  Some might argue “hey, how about a 7.2% abv beer isn’t a berliner at all? How about that shit?”  Then Southampton would step in with their UBERLINER and the discussion would go off the rails.



Both seem to be coextensive poles of peach extremities. If you mixed the two you would have the flawless Fruit Megazord but both leave something wanting by themselves. The peach in the taste profile is present but the Hottenroth seems to embrace a berliner first while wearing a Peach carnation in its lapel so you can recognize it on the railway platform.
So what is the verdict between these two stoners? I think overall peach hottenroth is unquestionably the better beer overall and exhibits better balance and crushability. The starkeller is more “memorable” and extreme so if you have those palate widening inclinations, It will take you into its peach room of pain. They both trade at completely reasonable sub de Garde levels and are well worth your time, and knowing CA traders, they will probably fuqqqn extra away this delicious society only beer and MN traders give an equally low amount of fucks. Deals abound.


Logsdon Farmhouse Ales Peche ‘n Brett, Get Ready to Get your Peaches Gripped

With everyone getting a fat throbbing alerection about this beer’s upcoming release, I figured I would let you know my impressions of this beer FROM BACK WHEN IT WAS MORE RARE AND THEREFORE MORE DELICIOUS. When this came out last year, people were still playing catchup and figuring out that this brewery bears a striking resemblance to a certain Vermont saison factory, but now that people know about how dank the regular old Saison Bretta is, I am sure this will be a shitshow which the PnW traders will administrate lovingly. I still can barely sit after that Cherry Adam from the Wood release. Let’s smash some peaches and stop fucking around.

The peach is there, but it doesn't taste like any of the Bretts that I know, WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA

The peach is there, but it doesn’t taste like any of the Bretts that I know, WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA

Logsdon Farmhouse Ales
Oregon, United States
American Wild Ale | 10.00% ABV

A: This is a messy old bottom of the carboy sort of affair. Smash up a bunch of saltines into a glass of Cable Car and you will be on point with how this looks. No one ever said saisons were beautiful, I SAID IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. The carbonation, as usual is excessive and goes hard in the paint, gushing all over my face and chest prior to payment. There is substantial lacing that appears wispy and then disappears forthright. The orange hues are inviting and make you bite your lip like reading Shades of Grey outside an elementary school.

what do you know about rare variant ticks? PEACHING IT LIKE A BOSS.

what do you know about rare variant ticks? PEACHING IT LIKE A BOSS.

S: This has a fantastic dryness to it that gushes hay, musk, puppy fur, peaches, apricots, and a wet leather. The fruit is actually in the back spinning records, not trying to take over the show, just supporting, making everyone wet. Smells like if someone crashed a Fantome truck into the truck delivering Upright Fantasia, AND EVERYONE WINS.

T: This is incredibly dry in execution at the outset and you brace yourself for a brett bomb but at the last minute they cut the peach wire and your palate is saved. The fruit again is not the main character but it imparts a sort of unity to the beer what with all the musk, cornbread, biscuit malt, hay, juicy juice, and Greek peach yogurt. This doesn’t get to that Fantome Ete smoothie level, but it is toeing THE FUCKING LINE. Also, if you have had Hill Farmstead Mimosa, this is suspiciously close to execution in many ways. Maybe those two breweries are saison eskimo brothers, pounding the same bugs. I am not a scientist, ask Rempo.

This beer is sweet, gentle, and a little dirty at the same time.

This beer is sweet, gentle, and a little dirty at the same time.

M: This is dry but not offputting because there is enough fruit and residual sugars from making this a super chardonnay heavy affair, I AM LOOKING AT YOU HILL FARMSTEAD E. Enough buttressing this review with references to other beers, this is refreshing and offers the biggest sniper 10% abv this side of Fantome Extra sour, seriously it sneaks in that bitch and starts riot shielding people in the skull. If you want to get faded really quickly and not know what happened, this is the beer for it. You will pop Skyrim in and wake up smelling like maple syrup with your character power leveled. Shit is real tight.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and unless you go to FIDM or are a negligent ass undergrad, I don’t know who could put these back on the reg and function in life. I could chain combo 2 of these together, but then I would start bidding on Marvel Masterpiece cards on eBay and all kinds of tawdry shit so maybe this beer being hard to find is a good thing. MAYBE THE MARKET IS ACTUALLY HELPING ME.



Narrative: “Most people think that the Brita water cleans the water but it actually adds sodium sulfates to the hyd-” Your mind begins to wander and you look at Keith in disbelief that he would talk about water purification for 4 miles of this 12 mile hike. “Yeah I get it, brita, bottled water, so did you see Celebrity Apprentice last week?” “What? no no man you’re missing it, man you are just focusing on the end product if you-” Well now you went and did it, another rant, another incline, you went and taunted the complex mind and now you must deal with his single note expression. It is like a genius with an extremely limited scope, and your hydrolysis knowledge is exponentially grown. he begins to grow on you, his affectations and the glint of his eyes when he explains the separation of nitrate sulfides, you are listening, if only superficially. “So it IS NOT REALLY THE REVERSE OSMOSIS AT ALL!” he exclaimed while you picked a wild peach and bit into the skin, embracing the wild knowledge being dropped on you. The amount of balls tripped would not be insubstantial.