Who is your Hopfather and what does he do?
Yearly Archives: 2012
BONUS REVIEW: Two Brothers Edel’s Weiss Beer, Because I Have Been Slippin.
I loved Two Brother’s Askew and I want to show this brewery some moar love, so here’s a bonus review, strictly for the haters. Two chains, coupe the color of mayonnaise.
Not my favorite style, but when it is 95 degrees, you go back to your roots.
Two Brothers Edel’s Weiss Beer, Hefeweisen, 4.9%
A: This has an uncommonly radiant profile to it. The yellow are crisp and inviting, like that VICs vapor rub mask, you can’t seem to shake the impression it leaves. Mild lacing and almost no carbonation.
S: This is where this beer shines to an incredible degree. The nose is full of banana, clove, lemon, and funky Belgian yeasts. It comes across with an almost dunkelweizen character, but wow, still very impressive.
T: Sadly, the banana and clove is largely lost. You get some banana but mostly orange in the taste and a sort of biscuity, crackery sort of foaminess taste to it. It doesn’t necessarily blow me away, but it is refreshing and a bit of acidic maltiness goes a long way.
M: The mouthfeel has a light coating that agitates into a big foamy frothiness like a Belgian wheat latte. The lingering Belgian yeast has this cool spiciness to it that reminds me of a weak saison. It’s like Minkus from Boy Meets World, it’s only there for a bit, but its complex and interesting until it abruptly leaves.
D: This is an incredibly drinkable beer and, assuming it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, I am sure it will keep Midwest people happy living in their sad, square states. Maybe if we shipped a few cases of this to Ohio, they would refrain from sending to LA every single fashion student and dude who learned Everlong on the accoustic guitar. We can only hope.
When the heat is on, you can’t believe your mouth after having this.
Oak Aged Treat, Halloween is August
For the Halloween haters.
East End Brewing Gratitude, This Barleywine is Gratuitously Good, Completely Excessive
I was always stymied by the rare offering. At the outset you have releases to the tune of 700ish bottles and everyone trades hard for these but then I heard it was NOT BARREL AGED. I was a skeptic until I had an epic barleywine showdown and it drilled other BA contenders and made the horrible Lift Bridge Commander look like a bottle of Zima. This beer rips open malt anuses and delivers a sweet panache that can’t be imitated:
The person in the background seemed a bit GRATUITOUS.
East End Brewing Company
Pennsylvania, United States
American Barleywine | 11.50% ABV
What you know about that blue wax 2009 vintage dog? Gripping two clips, sliding barleywine heaters in the 2 seater.
A: This has an amazing turbid aspect to it that is not unlike BA Old Backus barleywine. The sheeting is pretty modest and, for a 3 year old beer it maintained the carbonation in a legitimate manner. This is what Paul Wall would floss with in a CL mercedes, it is classy but not as overstated as 808 drums. Just look at that muddy baby, you want to pinch its cheeks and take a smooch.
Despite the lack of barrel aging, this beer is mature for its age.
S: This has an incredible waft to it, milk chocolate, chocolate milk, melted raisinettes, sweet brown sugar, and cream of wheat made with a sweet smooch. I love this beer and this might be the best non-BA Barleywine that I have ever had, srsly, it is that bomb, you don’t even need to cut the red or the yellow wire.
T: This has an incredible taste with a light caramel char, dark cherries, plums, some notes akin to a quad, but it still maintains that brown sugar profile that makes it unmistakably a fantastic barleywine. This may have started as an American barleywine but, after a few years the hops have really mellowed into just a light citrus that makes this beer incredible through and through.
Hey guys, tonight we are going to open a dank non-BA barleywine
Oh cool bro.
M: This is exceedingly thin for the style but, given the huge malt blasters firing on all 8 cylinders in the taste profile, the tires hit the pavement hard. The thin nature of this beer doesn’t mean that it isn’t a freak in the palate sheets and the abv is the sneaky camera man capturing the whole thing without your knowledge or consent.
D: This is exceptionally drinkable, especially with some age on it. I don’t know if you could pass this off on novice beer drinkers but anyone at the Hop head level or above would love the robust sticky sweet character of this beer and merk it mercilessly. You ever seen ABC’s groundbreaking drama “Switched at Birth?” no? Ok, then you are qualified to drink this amazing beer.
wale whale whalez. What rare ass barleywine are we enjoying today?
Narrative: Dwayne was the best employee at the EZ Lube in Sante Fe. Fram filters, synthetics, high mileage he knew it all. Sure it seemed like a pedestrian task, that is until the average person tried to do it themselves, suddenly that old SL500 wasn’t so useful sitting like a hunk of overpriced german steel in the driveway. One fortuitous day, Dwayne was on his way to work and noticed a plume of smoke on the horizon. “OH MY GOD.” He pulled up to the scene of the tragedy and saw them all just stopped there, dead in their tracks, the death rattle of heroes that had seen better days. “WHAT’S THE SITUATION HERE?!” he called to the police officers as he ran over to them. “Well they just started making a little tick and-” Dwayne ripped open the hood of each stalled car and found that each had been negligently filled with 10W-30, INSTEAD OF 10W-40. “Oh for the love of gargbhhh-” the mere scene made him vomit on the side of the road. He swiftly went to work on a quick flush and replaced the oil in record time. “Thanks kid, you really saved the day today, now we can go shut down that Stem Cell Research protest, you’re a real hero, you know that? Not us today, you Dwayne.” The cars glamed as the exhaust resonated through the strip mall. Dwayne was the best damn 20 minute hero that $8.25 per hour could buy. His side job at the caramel factory seemed downright pedestrian by contrast; he was a brilliant genius that people overlooked far too often.
Is it Friday yet?
Class X and Citra are sorely needed in the midweek. Kern River halp plz.
Squatters’ Fifth Element, Bruce Willis is Wilding Out So Hard on this Saison
At first I saw some stir in the trade boards for this elusive gem and thought nothing of it. THEN I LOOKED DEEPER. It wasn’t the low bottle counts, the sky high ratings, or the fact that it is my particular favorite style of beer; it was a love for Chris Tucker. Ok not really, but this is an amazing farmhouse, so let’s hit the barn hard in today’s review:
This approaches that amazing Fantome ghost level status saison, consumed by Latter Day Saints.
Squatters Pub Brewery
Utah, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.75% ABV
Fifth Element is a delightfully complex and rustic “Old World” style Belgian farmhouse ale. Aged in American oak barrels for a year and bottle conditioned, this artisan Belgian ale is sure to refresh.
A: This has an amazing look to it that is all saison, all funky turbid glowing radioactive hay with substantial foam and lacing. This is what I imagine a Vengaboys concert to look like, potentially Aqua. The hues remind me of glowsticks once your crack them open, straight up radiant.
Wait for the next Squatter’s release? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
S: This is all sharp citrus, lemon zest, l’orange, pomplemousse, nice grapefruit with funky Sunkist zest and a bready cornbread aspect to it. Whip up the Bisquik and start serving saison fiends in the trap.
T: This has an incredibly refreshing light citrus aspect to it with brett, lingering acidity, hay musk, there’s some light pepper and cloves but the citrus and dryness is really what impresses here, it just registered the domain Bomb.edu because it educates you in all things bomb. I really wish the bottle counts on this weren’t so ridiculous because I would hazard a trip to Utah to make this happen. I don’t ski and I drink caffeine so I might not fit in, but i could always buy a Costco membership and a trampoline and fake it. Mormons always get the nicest things.
I need my go go juice sweet saison booboo.
M: This is exceptionally dry but the acidity and light wheat profile makes this an exceptionally well rounded beer that reminds me quite a bit of Fantome Pissenlit and potentially a less dry version of Hill Farmstead E. This beer sits in nice ass company like how Two Chainz ruins every song but gets on tracks with Yay and Darke. Except that this beer is amazing, unlike Two Chainz.
D: I merked this bottle faster than Calvin Broadus, murder was the case this beer gave me. I want more but I feel it gauche to just demand it given the low bottle numbers and hand bottled status. If you open one, you will understand, this just gets drained relentlessly like lipo from Persian housewives in Bev Hills. I WANT TO GET DRAINED A SECOND TIME. Close the Brazzers tab, we spitting real Saison game on the musky tip.
I NED MOAR OF THES SASON. Srlsly guize. Srsly.
Narrative: “Damnit Devin, this Babylon 5 convention has no hot chicks here.” “Well what the hell did you expect?” The two were quite a pair, Devin and Pao. One was complex and foreign, the other was white, bland, and thick. “In the show, there are some sexual overtones but, I don’t think I have ever met a female fan of this series.” Pao ran his fingers through his shiny black hair, the halogen lights reflecting off of his tier 5 press pass. The two scanned the packed convention hall full of middle aged, mouth breathing fan boys. “The Centauri are kinda hot“ Pao offered consolingly. “Oh wait…tits…those are definitely tits.” The ceramic chest piece turned to reveal four prosthetic breasts on a woman whose gender was certainly already questionable absent any alien garb. “Ok, no, this is exotic and fun, but ultimately, a forgettable experience. I just can’t do this anymore.” Devin ran through the double doors. As he left Pao introduced himself to the shows executive producers, two stunning German girls of Conneticutian descent who later invited him back to the Marina Del Rey Sheritan.
Rain. Pourin. All my beer’s for storin.
Sticky icky ooh wee. Put it in the air.
Stone I am disappoint
I went to the Blue Palms anniversary yesterday and, by and large, the event was pretty chill. Quite the opposite, actually. The 95 degree weather was offset by the solid tap list pretty well. One thing that rustled the jimmies of a substantial number of attendants was the wholesale omission of Stone Barrel Aged IRS without word or warning. If you read this site, you know that I have failed time and time again to land that elusive black beauty and I have dishonored my stout heritage.
Anyway, patrons started rolling in at 12:15 when the gates were opened and, despite the 95 degree heat, wanted to mash out on imperial bourbon barrel stouts. The night before, Ba IRS was on the taplist, when the day of lists were distributed, it was completely removed without explanation. This means if you bought a ticket solely to try that rare beer, you got baited and switched harder than a kid who bought Battletoads.
I went to the Stone tent to see how the cow eats the cabbage and they consoled me, “don’t worry we didnt bring our most celebrated flagship beer that recently had infection issues BUT we did bring you Stone Anniversary 15 on espresso beans.” paraphrased for sardonic effect.
The Stone 15 on espresso was nice but it is kinda like if you show up to the Nissan dealership to pick up your GT-R and they sub in a finely appointed 370z. No one would balk at an awesome 370, but if you were expecting solid bourbon twin turbos, is make disappoint.
Anyway, aside from beer nerd entitlement and victim complexes, here’s some of the noteworthy gems:
Alpine firing sQuad was light, fruity, nice plum and fig notes, light up your chest like E.T.
Barrel aged Ten Fidy on nitro was incredible, despite the equatorial heat. Chocolate malt haters gonna hate irregardlessly.
Avery White Rascal with passion fruit and coriander was a juicy jolly rancher treat. This took the base beer to baller new levels. This beer has another Hawaiian name but my complete lack of journalistic integrity prevents me from listing it.
Ivan the Terrible should be out soon enough, but sipping this old gem remind me of simpler times, when stouts from Montana could chill on top 100 lists without impunity
Monkey Paw Banana Gose was flat out awesome for the weather, style, and panache. Most people have never tried a Gose in the first place and these two girls decked in Forever 21 gear gushed “this wasn’t as bad as I expected.” BJCP’s finest.
The inside bar felt like living in a Tennessee Williams play all sticky dank hot and harboring dark secrets, even so, I braved the line for this 2010 Ballast Point Sea Monster aged in bourbon barrels, on cask. The carbonation was Keira flat but I could pound this beer Knightley.
There were other gems but this half hearted post has wasted enough of your weekday. Get on that grizzy, there is a whole new week of beers to drink.
Shame on You
If you don’t follow me on Twitter and/or Facebook and/or Friendster, you are missing out on some dank content. For example, while you were having a sorry ass Wednesday, I was popping these club bangers:
Getting my peaches smashed.
Founes and Loonz.
Prince of Persica
A peach named Brett.
V010, you coulda had a v8, instead you got a three eight slug to your cranium.
2008, the year you lost your virginity.
2010, the year you told your therapist about it.
Here’s how they stacked up against one another:
1) Cable Car 2008
2) Persica
3) Fou Foune
4) Peche n Brett
5) Cable Car 2010
6) Veritas 010 (still amazing, just in tough company)
But that is like complaining about how the LP Murcielago doesn’t have the cupholder size that I would have liked. I will get around to reviewing these once the inner lining of my stomach returns.
Moral of the story, stop being a set of babytits and Like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, I drink to compensate for online affection.
Happy birthday to me
dontdrinkbeer 