Happy Cinco de Mayo. I already busted my cerveza sustantivo earlier this week when I rocked the fuck out of Coronita, so I wanted to do the next best thing. ULTIMATE TEXAS SESSION BEER. I know what everyone is thinking, because I know what I was thinking: “I DON’T LIKE TEH HEFANDWEIZENS, THATS BEER FOR N00BZ.” Sure, but when it is the absolute best hef that I have ever tasted, DOES THAT CHANGE YOUR FUCKING TUNE SIDNEY BECHET? Seriously, this beer is amazing and, appropriately enough, the only times I have received it have been in 2L growlers. As a bonus, you can even give this to attractive people and they will probably drink it and like it, BOOM ROASTED.

The perfect beer to enjoy while watching NBC's hit musical series, SMASH, because after you kill all 64oz, you can smash the growler over your fucking head.

Live Oak Brewing Company
Texas, United States
Hefeweizen | 5.20% ABV

Live Oak Hefeweisen

A: It radiates light with a murky yellow gold undertone, almost like a mountain dew yellow 5 radiance. Nice mild lacing and bubbly head with micro bubbles. If this were a superhero film it would likely be some radioactive substance that provides superhuman properties, which is not entirely untrue; provided that property is drinking 64 oz to myself and passing out on the living room floor. BUT WILL I USE THIS POWER FOR GOOD OR EVIL?

S: Just fantastic, great lemon muted notes, not overly possessive, it provides lemon at your leisure like an understanding girlfriend. It has a great biscuit smell, like an English muffin with agave syrup on it. Super crisp and refreshing. You ever french kiss a cactus in a delirium from poorly made orange zest wine? Well then you will know what the fuck is going on with this splishy splashy shot of refreshment.

T: Amazing honey taste with very mild cirtus hop presence. It feels like biting into a lemon crueller or bear claw but if it were incredibly light in character. Its effervesence is so crisp and bubbly that that first pint glass was gone almost instantly, not by design. There is an underlying motif of Belgian sweetness that never reveals itself, like a silent protagonist somewhere in the wings of the opera house that is my palate.

Unlike this truck, this beer is probably one of the best things to come out of Texas.

M: This is about as light as it gets and it is all the better for it. It imparts a brackish bit of coating to accompany the nice citrus notes and just has a very thin foaminess to it all around. All in all, it is incredibly refreshing.

D: This may go head to head with Gumballhead for the most drinkable beer that I can think of. It is better than Gumballhead in fact because the hops do not obstruct the sheer guzzle ability of this beer. You could drink this in any circumstance for long periods of time. It is the ultimate session beer and it is disheartening to know how difficult it is to get in California because I would need several growlers of this given how fast it would disappear.

I merked the growler while I was prepartying and I ended up with a burgundy pixie wig in my pocket and 6 stamps on my hand. Pretty solid night.

Narrative: Easy Jasper was the town mechanic in the sleepy old town of Chataqua, Texas. Well, he wore many hats, old Jasper was the magistrate, deacon, bailiff, and district superintendent; but he operated out of Easy Jasper’s Lazytime Garage. Folks would come in from miles around with torque converters all busted up, slipping trannies, and limited slip differentials downright in shabby shape. Easy Jasper would take a sip of his old sweet lemonade and give the lowest price quote for miles around. Patrons not only had no choice, but he was downright fair through and through. He would bask in the sun like a lazy gecko and ponder the discs and gears involved, the deviations in a cam shaft and sleepily get to work. He was the smoothest old curr in Chataqua, but God damn did he get the job done. “Thanks Jasper! My Lotus Elise would have been in shambles if not for you, please let me-” “Nahhhh nahhhh, aint noooo body gonna give Jass- per no….guff.” He would wave them off with an oil stained glove and sip his refreshing orange drank lithely. A lazy son of a bitch, but did he ever get the job done.