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Ithaca Brute Wild Ale, Another Overlooked Top 100 Beer Falls to My Liver

This might be the most beautiful beer that I have ever seen. I remember the first time that I poured it, being completely blown away by the sheer radiance. I have grown and watch several wild ales come and go, but I remember back in the day loving this beautiful, gentle temptress. Anyway, I would not deprive you of this gem, so let’s get brutish and short in today’s review. Holler at Thomas Hobbes.

Finally uploaded the pic. I has a lazy.

Ithaca Beer Company
New York, United States
American Wild Ale | 6.50% ABV

A: Wow, this beer has a type of yellow 5 radiance that would piss your neighbors off if you opened up late at night. The lacing is fantastic and it has this golden hue that looks similar to the contents of Marcellus Wallce’s briefcase in Pulp Fiction. There’s no cool way to state this so, “it is a very pretty beer.” There you go.

This beer is close to my favorite wild ale, but not quite.

S: This has an amazing apricot and peach smell to it and a crackle from the tiny champagnesque bubbles. The brettanomyces follows second with a sort of Bretty funk that reminds me of rainy days, wet carpet, and delicious soggy paper bags. It’s tough to explain but the oxidation went well in this batch, not sure if it was intended or just a byproduct of the brett C, but it works well with the clean finish presented.

T: There is a nice tart melon aspect to this at the outset that transitions into nectarine. The middle had the types of juicy flavors youd expect in Tropical Starburst and subsides into a juicy dry crisp finish. Overall, wow very good and worthy of the top 100.

M: This has the same mouthfeel as a heavy champagne. A bit thicker than most gueuze but less than some other sours. This comes off to me as an archetypical “American Wild Ale” given the heavy brett, nice balance of sourness, and dry finish. Overall it is crisp and light with a mild dryness similar to a Flanders red with a bit of a Chardonnay apple skin drying to it.

Brute makes me want to just curl up with a warm blankey and get my shine on.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and I could drink this back to back all night. The abv is fantastic, the citrus notes are great, and the space for zings and jokes is tough for such a well-done beer. Any complaints at this juncture would be like “Oh the Lotus Esprit doesn’t have automatic windows” sort of concerns. Champagne problems indeed.

This beer is so radiant. So exciting. So strange.

Narrative: “And so I was all like, well, how can I ever be sure that the $450 that I give you is really being put towards an abor-:::FSHHHHHHHHH:::“ The ground crackled with radiant orange and yellow light and a being of pure energy stepped through the void, much to the astonishment of Thad and Trevin. “What the hell are you?” Thad exclaimed in disbelief, orange bolts crackling around the foyer of his palatial studio apartment. “Thad, I am Citrutron, a being of pure citrus energy sent from the future to correct your bitter ways.” The two looked at each other amazed and noted the smell of ripe tangelo waft lazily in the air. “In the future, your bitterness will cause a series of events that even you cannot comprehend, resulting in a future as depressing as it is sour. To counteract this, I have been sent to watch over you and impart sweetness at all times, to guide your wayward palate.” Trevin was pantomiming a masturbatory motion while Citrutron was delivering this speech. A single bolt of bright yellow light struck Trevin directly in the jaw, puckering his substandard comedy routine markedly. “FOR YOU SEE THE GLORY OF THE SWEET DAYS ARE NOW UPON US.” “You mean that from now on, things will be super sweet?” “Exactly Thad, now change the channel to ABC Family, all of their programming is super sweet.” The three enjoyed each other’s company in turn, until Citrutron mysteriously disappeared when the HMO co-pay could not cover their substantial dental bills. He entered a dimensional rift and inhabited the body of a Kern River cyborg, discussed HERE

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Refinedguy.com has amazing original content, wait.

I know something about stealing content. My site is a shitty conglomeration of memes and irrelevant narratives. So if you like my site, check out this site where a dude just steals images from Google Images and adds pithy comments at the bottom. It takes my laziness to soaring new heights of indolency.

It’s like he was there at Kern River opening a bottle WITH me.

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HAPPY H(ALE)OWEEN, Time for a Top Rated Quad: St. Bernardus 12, for the Pagan Ritual Haters

Here’s a top 100 beer that has gone unreviewed for far too long. On a larger point, I have neglected the shit out of quads lately, I usually view them as a halfway house between the sweet English Barleywines and the deep dark succor of Imperial stouts, but they are a beast all unto themselves, worthy of reverence and cool reflection. Even if you have disputes with the monastic roots and don’t see the point of pious reflection and fasting to honor whatever deity that you see fit for whatever ritual rooted in pagan fealty that you happen to believe or cast cool skepticism over, you at least have to respect parsing phrases and independent clauses. And beer.

Sure I could have dropped that $8.99 to show you the 33cl bottle, but is your fucking Google finger broken? Here is what it looks like in draft you lazy ingrates.

Brouwerij St. Bernardus NV
Watou, Belgium
Quadrupel (Quad) | 10.00% ABV

A: Nice deep almost milky caramel countenance, solid lacing, tiny tiny microscopic bubbles that linger long after you drink and a mirror shine to it without any middle carbonation to speak of.

Quads this big and delicious will put your palate in overrustle, use your limit break already.

S: You can hear the groans from the anticipationists a mile away, guess what it smells like? Yes, deep boozy figs, raisins, dates, and a nice malty back bone. If it didn’t, would it really be an exceptional Quad? Maybe but do rhetorical questions still perform well in a global economy? We shall see.

T: This has a nice syrupy quality that is abated by the tiny bubbles that pump up the palate mildly. I don’t want to take deep swallows of this by any means but, it is a great beer to sip on if only a 10oz pour were provided. I don’t want to say that you can’t opt for the old 3 Liter chestnut that we have all seen, however, I will opine that you have demons that you are chasing that the public remains aware of.

You can’t photoshop a quad, no matter how hard you try, it is a tough style to pass off, dating site or otherwise.

M: Again, this has a decent coating lying somewhere between the crazy OG of an imperial stout, that hates you, and a loving DIPA that lingers for a bit too long after dinner parties. This is perfect if you want to brandish a huge corked masterpiece and impress a “boss” languidly. “CORKS IN BEER WELL I NEVER!” the Applebees hostess exclaims as a cork rickochets against a picture of a a tube filled with ice cream.

D: This, somehow, is incredibly drinkable. On paper it seems like a swimming pool in the front yard: things all out of place, problems abound; however this just works. It seems like someone dropped off their idiot savant cousin who decided not to drop a duke in my sink and instead arranged everything amiably. As thick and alcoholic as this is, I still feel this is an everyman[sic woman] beer that is simply delicious.

When you get a trappist ale this drinkable with a solid 10% left hook, someone is gonna be getting some smooches and knuckle sandwiches.

Narrative: “GOD DAMNIT IT, EVERY holiday” “Hey Steve, lower your voice” “OK, every holiday party he does this” Their eyes surveyed the Christmas party and noted several women at the beckon call of a single aged man with a clear graying cul de sac. “HOW DOES HE DO IT!” Steve exclaimed in exasperation. “Come on man, he wears a bold orange robe to parties, talks to women like he’s been drinking 12% beer all day and all night, and performs mild miracles; how do you not love him?” The two watched from their sulking position as old Abby 12 pulled a bottle of Svedka from his robe sleeve. “OK COME ON THAT ISNT EVEN GOOD VODKA!” Both guffawed in disbelief as he chastely rebuffed a woman’s advances and deftly cited passages from the book of Ruth. “RUTH! COME ON WHO KNOWS RUTH!” Steven bemoaned.