To many people, it is now a desirable trait to date someone with minimal online presence. The excesses of the past generation in dopamine craving, notification harvesting, eValidation, stranger approval scrumming have now come to a head and we are now full circle. Simplicity reigns supreme. No one wants to court someone who has 100k followers in liabilities.
In beer, the reductivist approach is back in vogue as well. The lowly Kolsch, top fermenting placeholder in many production schedules, destined for mediocre scores and ho hum profit margins. There’s difficulty in that simplicity. Try finding a single guy who somehow doesn’t have the tendrils of some internet hollows wrapped around his neck. It’s hard to break free and return to content this is clinically, socially, “unremarkable.”
Bierstadt and Westbound aren’t exactly on the Rhine and Colorado isn’t exactly Cologne (pronounce it KOHN if you want big PP linguistic energy.) But Kolsch is a cheater style piggybacking on legit pilsners that demands a weird STANGE glass to make up for its historical hemming and hawing. The Brut IPA of German Beer history.
The taste is clean, like lavender handsoap, extremely floral, and this dandelion closer. At first I thought it was my glass, so I opened another can, and it is biscuits, water crackers, and BOOM Method Foaming Hand wash. It seems a new rocky mountain Sur La Table riff on the model.
The nose is grainy, some Anjou, and again that jasmine. Incredible mouthfeel, flawless retention and lacing, gorgeous clarity, but are you content to have your mouth washed out by a deacon for singing Drake lyrics? How deep in the Bath and Body works hole will you tolerate?
At the 1986 Kolsch Convention I can’t imagine they foresaw Colorado being a hotbed for the best clear beers in the world, so maybe artistic license is warranted. I let it warm and it’s more grand’s biscuit and less of the floral aspects. A return to online anonymity.
Date mysterious people who post PJ Harvey, minimalist white Etsy home aesthetics with ferns, quote Donnie Darko, wear cropped pants, and reference Durkheim in passing. Who cares. If they aren’t online, does the Kolsch even exist?