Peyton Manning Released a Bourbon and Sweetens Cove is Fine I Guess

Peyton Manning made a bourbon and it is $200 and it is pretty not great. When I saw a 13 year aged aged Tennessee bourbon at 102 proof, I braced myself to overpaying for some celebrity Dickel in my mouth. The initial numbers said that there are 1500 bottles of this, then like a month later oh wait its 14,000 bottles. Even worse, when I closed this sale I got like 19 laugh reacts from dudes who fetishize brown liquid. Being negged by bourbon bros is a different kind of pain. Imagine being laughed at by middle aged stretchmarked dudes with recliner couches who wear Titleist hats and New Balances who covet unopened bottles of corn ethanol they will never open. 

This is the public humiliation I had to endure for your amusement.
Master Distiller Marianna Eaves is touted in every press review you read about this, but here’s the thing, if you’re literally blending BevMo barrels of George Dickel, the composition fallacy sets in real fast. You could give Armand the most choice casks from Cascade Brewing and ask him to blend the next Malvasia Rosso and you will get enamel destroying Portland lacto solvent. One can only do so much.
WAIT WHO ELSE IS IN ON THIS SPICY OVERPRICED COLLAB: uh ever heard of ANDY RODDICK, no how about musician Drew Holcomb; Tom Nolan, former president of Ralph Lauren golf; course architect Rob Collins; and real estate developers Mark Rivers and Skip Bronson. Bro SKIP FUCKING BRONSON. HOLD UP, we are talking titans of the distilled spirits world here.
This tastes closer to 9 year single barrel Dickel than the ($39!) 13 year bottled in bond Dickel but let’s just put it out there: you stand to waste a shitload of money. Nose is inoffensive, McDonalds apple pie, red hots, torched custard. The palate shows its age with planed lumber, lemon pledge, lacquer, and a limoncello aspect. The finish is long but loaded with iced tea and leathery oak, this part is actually really enjoyable. I feel like Andy Roddick really had some input with the sustained oak in the oily mouthfeel. What is Brooklyn Decker even up to these days.
It is not bad by any stretch of the stave, but at $200 retail this bottle is swinging on some insane competition, hell even by $200 secondary it would be taking jabs at regular ass Blantons. If you are straight up obsessed with Peyton Manning or SKIP FUCKING BRONSON, then sure, buy this overpriced juice before you hit the links. Go talk about how wow raising an 11 year old is such a hard age, when even is the right age to give them a phone and hey did you see the new mid engine Corvette and hey when’s NHL coming back, yeah orthodontics sure do hit you right in the old wallet. Who cares. You’re turning 13 year old oak juice into piss and you read books after you’ve seen the film adaption of them. You don’t deserve true happiness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s