Which is more terrible: The Meg or Lagunitas Mozango

I’m sitting here in this movie theater trying to decide which is more terrible: the Meg or Mozango. One of them is offputting, wince inducing, and you wonder why it was even made, and the other is a film. The Meg offers up a treasure trove of tropes for global markets with pandering for Chinese audiences. Monzango offers up nothing for existing audiences, pandering for fruitboi’s attention. With a large enough marketing budget, you can get gullible people to pay money for pure garbage, myself notwithstanding. Both the beer and the movie felt like an excel sheet from some 22 year old communications major with boxes to check, demographics to exploit, talking points to assemble with a vapid understanding of what makes offerings compelling. People do not want excoriating lysol notes in the their IPAs. They don’t want to taste Airwick vials cut with Raid aromatics. Why the fuck did Rainn Wilson spend $1b when he doesn’t even understand what he is funding. Why did Heineken spend similar sums to court consumers that they themselves don’t understand. It isn’t that the 9% abv is fusel, it’s solvent. Mango is so much pith and the thrust of this beer and the Meg is just useless fondant with bitter underpinnings that are hard to reconcile. No one asked for either offerings. Part of me hopes that this shitty beer and the shitty movie are secretly self aware parodies offered up in a post-modern DEEP IRONY sort of manner to parody the grocery store stepdad who consumes these items and doesn’t give a shit about aesthetic appraisal on any level. That’s almost certainly not the case, but it would give a moustache wax layer of depth to explain why someone would actively drink Pinesol and duraflame logs. If something can’t pass as a movie theater beer, then you completely fucked up. That’s amongst the lowers bars to entry in the beer game.

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