MODERN AHABS: a reality TV show about people non-ironically hunting beer “whales”…like KBS.

I am not shitting you up the dick with this one, someone took the time to make this.  This is an actual show that pushes the cringeworthiness beyond BREWDOGS into a post-Dark Horse realm of beerTV embarassment:

Before you ask, no, this is not an ironic DDB parody.  That is an actual trailer for an actual show.

So the premise, so far as I can glean from the MODERN AHABS website is that a crew of people go to ultra rare beer releases and then…purchase a beer…at retail.

You know those mega-whales that everyone is always talking about, the super limited/tens of thousand of bottle runs, that barely see distro to many many states across the entire nation?  Well dream no longer, the mystery of these massive cetacean delights can now swim in pods directly to your eyes.

If it were just a shitty show, then fine, put it on HGTV, and I can move on with my life.  I am still waiting for VH1’s I LOVE MONEY to release a criterion collection Blu-Ray, so I am not being some bookish snob about shows that make you pinch the bridge of your nose.  This show compels sighs because it degrades beer culture in the way that REAL HOUSEWIVES sets women back to the Gilded Age.  The show is unresearched and portrays pursuing these libations as 1) something praiseworthy and 2) fails to authentically demonstrate rare beer, its consumers, or any of the actually hilarious non-ironic aspects of ex-bando beer recluse pathology.

The production value of this show is like if you handed me a GH4 and told me to expose the secret underworld of Frisbee Golf.  I am sure that would be an entertaining show for some people, but here’s the thing: I KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT FRISBEE GOLF.  I want to see a profound self-realization about the futility of a hobby that has legitimately degraded into MyFirstStock portfolio.  This is some Charlie Papazian pangloss take on a subcultrue that is currently entering an I AM LEGEND phase of ale-fueled brutality.

I posit that the best way to watch these non-ironic shows, is to treat them like a Christopher Guest mockumentary.  I can only hope that someone makes an intentionally hilarious iteration of this concept, but I cannot be bothered to do so at this time.


13 thoughts on “MODERN AHABS: a reality TV show about people non-ironically hunting beer “whales”…like KBS.

  1. If they wanted to properly portray this idea, they would film a bunch of sweaty neckbeards sitting at computers in their mothers’ basements and receiving FedEx packages.

  2. I work in the art field and have heard many a tale of how the show “American Pickers” ruined the field of antiques and vintage collectibles by turning everyone with a TV into an instant ‘expert.’ People don’t know their asses from their elbows and pay top dollar for shit they think is valuable just because it’s old. Now apply this mentality to beer even moreso than it already has been. All the old veterans bitching about the beer world going so over the top with trading and hoarding ain’t seen nothing yet. If this goes into production (which I hope it doesn’t), be prepared for frequent shut outs at releases but on the upside also prepare to sell the bottles you have for MILLION$ OF BILLION$ OF DOLLAR$ to all the new suckers.

    Maybe this assclown just wants to get famous so breweries will invite him over to be video taped drinking ‘rare whales’ like BCBS. He’s a level 99 ticker! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to crack a super rare bottle – you’ve probably never heard of it – it’s something called parobela.

  3. I love all these super dramatic complaints about how “Beer is serious and important” and “How dare someone like something more than I think they should?” Get mad about something that matters, like legalizing weed. Oh wait, that’s patently unimportant in the grand scheme of things too. How lucky were are to be a society where we have time for this level of petty criticism. Make the show you think they should make. Get out that G4 we’ve been hearing so much about. And how come no graphic designers have weighed in on that t-shirt. There’s got to be a reason we can hate that, right?

    • Lol what are you even talking about? Who ever mentioned a G4? Are you talking about some wonky LG phone? Gh4? I don’t think DDB has ever mentioned that shit either.

      Criticism about a premise and being charged with creating the show yourself exhibits a valley of disconnect that I can’t even address.

      Feel free to talk shit on those shirts, I could not give a fuck less. Hire a graphic designer on fiver to give it a full dress down.

  4. haha you guys are a bunch of losers. just jealous you didn’t think of the idea, instead you thought of selling stupid t shirts that don’t make sense. Almost gone? you probably have truck loads of these stupid things.

    • The shirts sold out. The fact that you don’t understand the shirts proves that you are some tevas+socks wearing Tommy Bahama dipshit with no frame of reference.

      And yes, I look forward to seeing this excellent show getting picked up. Srs.

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