Alright so the chronology of this review is going to be a bit confusing.  Some of you at home might be wondering why DDB is reviewing a DIPA that came out three months ago, and just now giving impressions about a BA stout that had oxidation issues: FEAR NOT MY NEGLIGENCE HAS CLARIFICATION IN TOW.

I originally drank Lambo Doors and Spruce Gose before they were released and was ALL SET to do this triple review, but then I upgraded the DDB manor due to an influx of clickbuxx so the BA Maple Double Negative was in wine storage cryostasis like Han Solo.

In the interim, a bunch of rumors of pedios and lactos and oxos surfaced, but notwithstanding, let’s grip both these syrupy balls and drain them without fear.

If I have to hear another comment about the return of the toaster, FFS.  Alright so despite the rumors of this bottle’s impending demise, mine was not only fine, but it was really tasty.  It has that intense roast that I loved in the base beer, but it doesnt rely so heavily on the barrel character that it overshadows what the base does so well.  You get the toasted pumpernickel, with a healthy dose of Denny’s fornication, tobacco and syrup. The body is thin and almost feels like a cousin to Darkness in many ways.  The thin body and bitter char to the taste keeps it from ever being too sticky sweet or cloying.

In fact, the biggest complaint lies in how drinkable and NOT commanding it is with regards to your contemplation.  It is all seamlessly integrated for a beer that feels like an imperial porter with the adjuncts turned down in the background.  Sure this isn’t trying to swing a residual sugar cock and leave ropey Vermont loads like KBBS, CBS, Puga Maple, or See the Stars: but it doesn’t need to.  While buying one might be gamble, it is well worth spinning that chamber and pressing this sticky dripper to your temple.

A spruce gose, oh boy here we go.  Sometimes I wonder if this was some kinda Ale Apothecary riff, or merely a desire to make the punniest beer ever, alas here we are.  So you have the lightly tart base beer, fine.  Then you have this fine salinity, alright so we are at basically Gatorade, go ahead.  Now it is time to go full on King Fir Christmas Tree fingerblasting.  This has this weird vick’s vapor rub menthol thing like your stepdad has been chain smoking a pack of cools, but then you see him kissing Mr. Jacobs in the parking lot and you are all kinds of confused.

It has the eucalyptus, but also a foresty woodruff, and then the swallow is energy drink and Powerade.  It isn’t hard to drink but it sure is confusing.  It’s like when you are on suspension at work for looking at Reddit Gone Wild at a public terminal, it’s like, just let me know what I can and can’t do ok jeez.

This shit is some secret secret, Other Halfy, Tired Handsy, sniper creaminess straight from the Treehouse teat.  This isn’t too silky and mushy like that cream of wheat that these guys are pushing these days, but it isn’t clean and crisp like the recent Monkish stuff either.  The answer is that fantastic medium that the likes of Doppleganger inhabit.  You get the residual cling of alpha oils that are tropical with a bitter leathery closer.  There is a heft to the frothiness, like a whiskey sour made with real egg whites, that is complimented by all the guava cum de aserose aspects.

Grimm is the golden solution in this world of 3 hour long lines for canned hops.  They are relatively accessible, fresh as hell, inoffensively priced, and hit a lot of the same benchmarks that the 16oz heavyweights command.  For some people, paying someone on backpage for a GFE is less expensive than having an actual GF. I don’t want to compare Grimm to Craigslist whores, but they will bring your cones to full oily completion in the same efficiency.

These cans are also like 3 months old by now. Thanks for the hot tips DDB. No problem, keep it under your cap.

Man I am exhausted from making all these Cycle Scoop memes.  I am only one beer site.