Top 8 Beers to Drink if you Refuse to Vaccinate Your Child, NUMBER THREE WILL SHOCK YOU!

Craft beer saw HUGE gains in 2014, and took massive strides against reviled MACROBREWERIES, demonstrating the clear changing of the tide for top tier consumables in the life of the average consumer.  More people elected to drink non-pasteurized and bottle conditioned beers, home births are on the rise, and naturally most beer drinkers are contemplating whether they should embrace modern medicine and immunize their children.

This is a serious decision, and like all great beer culture, a pairing is a natural extension to making this life altering choice.  SO HERE IS A LIST OF EIGHT BEERS TO DRINK IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO VACCINATE YOUR CHILD!

Number Eight: Alesmith Brandy Barrel Old Numbskull –

It is a serious decision.

Whenever you start putting back some serious 11% beers, you might question that vaccines prevent communicable disease and impart lasting immunity, it happens all the time.  Once you get sufficiently hammered on sticky raisins and dates you will realize that vaccinated people are the most immunocompromised, and are always the ones contracting the diseases against which they were vaccinated.  Tell me that hasnt happened when you drank BA barleywines, like every time.

Number SEVEN: Tired Hands Westy XIII


If you have ever sat down and had saison yeast in a 13% quad then you know this topic has come up.  Someone will bust out Settlers of Catan and invariably someone will start talking about how every single study used as “evidence” that vaccines are safe erroneously compares side effects from one vaccine to side effects from another vaccine, effectively canceling them out.  Then shit gets super real at the game night.

Number Six: The Bruery Wineification I


Maybe it happens when you are at Ross, maybe it is Claimjumpers, you open a 450 bottle count wine must infused imperial stout and THE TOPIC COMES UP.  While you are trying to appreciate the nuance of the tannins and barrel profile someone will ALWAYS BE LIKE “Little do most people know that the first vaccine ever produced, for smallpox, was a complete disaster. The health consequences in those who received it included syphilis and death

NUMBER FOUR: Three Floyd’s Baller Stout and MURDA’D OUT STOUT

Since we all usually open these together, several times a week, I already sympathize with the gravity of the decision lain at your feet.  You’ll be watching Burn Notice, trying to pick out the component nuances of the beers and then, out of nowhere you realize: Vaccines are highly profitable for drug companies, which aren’t held liable for damages.  You dont even know if that is true, but you feel like it is something you should just post on facebook, not even citing shit, because you suddenly are both a medical professional and a lawyer, thanks to these two beers.

NUMBER THREE: Cantillon Crianza Helena

We all have walked down this well-tread path.  We are gonna sit down and open a Cantillon one off, for like the third time this week, to cool the nerves from the stress of working at Staples.  BOOM.  You are enjoying the complexity of the barrel blending and a little voice calls out “all vaccines contain deadly, neurodamaging chemicals like aluminum, mercury and formaldehyde. Many vaccines are also loaded with monosodium glutamate (MSG), antibiotics and even genetically modified organisms”

You might not even be a physician or even know what those things are, but you have rare beer and opinions, and you will be buggered if you don’t pop them both open in front of people.  IT IS NOT JUST ME IT FEELS SO GOOD TO KNOW.

At this point you realize that you have been vaccinated and didn’t even NOTICE THAT NUMBER FIVE WAS MISSING.  Because vaccines in children cause long lasting computational errors.

NUMBER FIVE: 2004 Fantome Ete

Listen, just because something is ultra desirable for years and years doesn’t mean that people will care about it forever.  You must have felt that gnawing in your soul, knowing something wasn’t right with your coveted Fantome collection, the way the baby wheezes while positioned on his stomach. Then it hits you, International studies looking at the health outcomes of unvaccinated children compared to their vaccinated peers have repeatedly shown that the unjabbed are generally less afflicted with allergies, autism, behavioral disorders, autoimmune dysfunction and respiratory ailments.

You don’t know if that is true, but it FEELS CORRECT.  If the vaccines were so desirable then why aren’t they on the ISO:FT boards? It is like Abyss all over again, your vaccine cellar in your body is faded and over the hill.  Everyone knows it.

NUMBER TWO: Surly CynicAle

Somehow, between chaining together sugar water and neglecting all other life duties, you have time to make concrete decisions about your child, even if they are wildly contrary to modern medicine.  Surly Cynicale always brings this out in Minnesotan consumers who, despite clear documentation, continue to breed.  I feel like there isn’t a person who hasn’t been in a Minneapolis watering hole without hearing this old chestnut: “Vaccine companies can’t be sued if you or your child is harmed by vaccines. If vaccines really are as safe as the jab-pushers constantly claim they are, then why was the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act passed in 1986, exempting vaccine and drug companies, as well as health practitioners, from liability in the event of injury or death?

I mean, it sounds like bullshit but, you are wasted on Czar jack, so what do you know.  There’s so many lakes and so few places to learn how to science.  It seems legit, I mean, you just had unprotected sex, not a law degree seminar.

NUMBER ONE!!!!!! De Cam Framboise

At this point I mean, who gives a fuck really? You are already at least $321,000 deep per child so, why not forge your own path and just dig deep in the cellar for a beer that just goes hard in the paint.  The crushing reality of responsibility weighs deep on your immune system and an agrarian society seems not unpleasant in the face of attempting to mortgage a new property with additional bedrooms.  So why not De Cam? At the end of the day maybe Natural exposure to disease is the best vaccine. Truth be told, the only way to truly develop vibrant, lifelong immunity is to live your life as you normally would, but without injecting dead (and in some cases live) viruses and chemical adjuvants into your muscle tissue. Natural exposure to whatever diseases are lurking in the world is the only way for the body to develop permanent antibodies that will forever protect against disease

Or maybe you are stupid dipshit who failed high school Biology because you had a constant hormonal imbalance, caused by vaccines, resulting in perpetual erections.  Your kid will be a complete asshole and demand an SS Camaro at age 15 regardless of what antiquated medicine you choose to embrace.  THE VINTAGES CHANGE BUT THE CELLAR REMAINS CONSTANT!

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