@firestonewalker Maltose Falcons, sticky malty ROOR hits for those 805 dabbers

Well what do we have here? Another one of those capriciously renamed/restyled bottles from Firestone Walker? Well if the Stickee Monkee release has taught me anything, it’s that Firestone has a world class barrel program that sometimes trips over its own award ribbons at times. Jeffers goes hard in the paint and even missteps like Double Double are forgivable in light of how many final loot releases they pump into so many markets.


Backsplash game fully turnt.

So what is the deal with this “brownywine” and does it bear any saccharine underpinnings akin to a “central coast quad?” Well, a bit of exposition is in order. Los Angeles has these rival HOMEBREW gangs, one is called Pacific Gravity, the other has been around since the Papazian Paleozoic era, the Maltose Falcons. If that film noir ass name isn’t a dead giveaway, the latter are old school, but both are hella into puns.

From the outset, I feel like a second class citizen without a baller ass paper box for my barrel aged FW beers. Even trifling ass FWXI got a box. But the beer itself pours a luscious tantalizing deep brown, burnt sienna at the edges with silky carb and ample lacing beneath the venomous legs to this boozy joint.

 Brownywines: not a BJCP certified pajotenland product 
The nose feels like a marriage between Sucaba and FWXVI. It is decidedly ENGLISH barleywine but less vinous than sucaba and presents a toasted brown sugar, cream of wheat, carmelized creme brûlée shell, and Oh HENRY! Bar on the closer. It doesn’t seem to live up to the saber rattling from weak palate assholes who decried that this beer is too sweet, neither the nose nor taste is excessively sucrose or under attenuated.

The taste is decadent but refined, like a Ferrero Rochet, nougat and hazelnut, milk chocolate with macaroon. The malt profile finishes anomalously dry and clean on the swallow, further underscoring the precision, pushing the ENGLISH yeast strain to apotheosis. The barrel is a supporting parapet that serves to allow the sweet malts to perform with nodding confidence. The almond and coconut aspects from the barrel never seem to dominate nor does the hefty beer exhibit an ethanol waft or burn even with deep swallows.

 Look at me. Look at me. I am the brownywine captain now. 
The real gripe attendant hereto is: why the fuck are they shipping out Hell Dorado and Stickee Monkee and not this far superior beer? All those baby palates got diaper rash when velvet merkin wasn’t BIG enough for them, then unleash this on them, call it a PasOld Ale or some shit and drain both BALs on the consumers’ collective chests. This is a phenomenal beer and fedex shouldn’t be in the equation of acquisition.

Also, since Firestone unquestionably follows DDB, the finest purveyor of beer news, unleash Krieky bones on the masses. You can even put it at that sphincter tightening Lost Abbey price point and fanboys will still line up to get their cherries busted.

Make it happen, you 805 hucksters.


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