Schmaltz announces new double session IPA, I can’t Even make satire if this is what beer is like in real life


You have got to be shitting me up the dick. Every time I make a joke about something in the beer community these days, three months later the jokes become my Kafkaesque reality. I quipped about a session imperial stout, and an Arizona brewery made that shit. Then over hopped pales marketed as session ipas. Now this shit, an ipa marketed as a double session ipa. 

The only logical extension of this is a session eisbock that is just a lager that hasn’t been ice distilled. Or an imperial table beer that is just a regular ass saison, or a quad berliner that is just a soured witbier.

Or a session lambic that is just a second runnings Timmerman’s. Or an imperial cream ale with coffee and- wait fuck, someone did that one.

 Imperial hat beer served in an actual hat. 
How about a session Biere de Garde that’s just an oversparged altbier. Who gives a fuck at a certain point.  How about quads that are only served in jereboams and it is one part Rochefort and 5 parts Smart Water.

What if a brewery just boils the fuck out of a dortmunder, like 20 hours and sells it in nip bottles? WHERE DO WE GO FROM THERE?

How about imperial kvass that’s just rye bread smashed into a bottle of Stoli?

 Imperial barrel aged scotch ale: is actually just very old scotch. 
In the end, nothing I present as levity can stand the test of time or reach the truly sublime as art because dipshit Brewers with california ale strains will constantly make this Sartorial nightmare a reality.

That’s the ONLY reason ddb will never rise to the level of true art.


5 thoughts on “Schmaltz announces new double session IPA, I can’t Even make satire if this is what beer is like in real life

  1. Pretty sure you mean Sartrean. Unless you’re still in ref to the 18 pack hats. In which case (pun not intended) never mind.

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