I am not shitting you. Sodastream bots are dangerously close to sentience and c02 forced dominance:
The mind reels at all the WACKY pranks possible with this old chestnut. You want that Sede Vacante to have frothy inappropriate foam billowing over the glass? This machine is here to save the day.
Maybe you are a Portland dipshit who bought all of last year’s Adam from the Wood only to find it was flatter than a Taiwanese gymnast. WHIP IT UP, lookatthatflickofthewrist
Now all those hilarious innovators who discovered french presses and BCBS last year, we can expect similar nonsense in the coming months. It has bluetooth connectivity, so if you don’t want to unhook your CPAP machine and turn the Tigers game off, you can just carbonate your Kuhnhenn BBBW remotely. Science has finally arrived at the paradigm tickers dreamed of so long ago.
Next step: Skynet goes global, neural net glycol chillers, fully automated mash tuns create liquid armies enslaving the neckbeard population with low attenuated sugarwater. HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR.