So Cigar City’s Catador Club, a motley assemblage of furious F5 refresh masters, has amazingly shattered the website for bottle sales, once again. This time is took place even for a fictional pint under pretend conditions. This group will disembowel a server for a mere pint of Tocabonga red, just imagine what they can do to your Snapchat account. It would be like the Fappening times 1500.
The page refresh abilities of these monsters cannot be reasoned with, their power is unknowable and overwhelming. Countless Templars fused to create this army of mouse clicking Archons, whose very essence is grinding websites in their ever hungering maws.
It’s like in shitty action movies where some lab engineers a super soldier and, oh fuck no way, they can’t control it, has science gone too far. Cigar City assembled an elite team of ex World of Warcraft athletes who seek massive stouts for succor. The Florida deep water Everglades has produced this mouth breathing army that will rip servers limb from limb in their hunt for liquid caloric comfort.
So their solution? Catador Lotteries for all bottle sales from now on. Cigar City simply cannot have these salami nipples pressed on their glass any further, the regular people are getting disturbed. One geriatric woman described their conduct as “a crying shame” however to be fair she expressed the same sentiment when the deli was out of rye bread.
Florida may only be second in Death Penalty executions, but they are easily #1 in page refreshing deviants. Let’s just hope the ale-based Powerball eludes their sweaty jowels. Godspeed, just leave the Orlando Nickelodeon studios in tact, for the love of all that is holy.
You only Unicum once that’s the motto of the YOUcO