DDB Declared “Witless Apologist” and “Sign of the End Times” by Noteworthy Beer Author

Wait hang on, did I say “noteworthy beer author?” Let me rephrase that with “myopic blogger with a shittier page rank than DDB.”

CHECK OUT THIS HOT EDITORIAL FRESH OUT OF THE POT:

HE’S GOT OPINIONS ABOUT HOW THE BRUERY HANDLED THE RECENT INFECTION AND A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM

LOOK OUT: witless apologist coming through

LOOK OUT: witless apologist coming through

Let’s couch bashing this old timey Pepperidge Farms website for a moment and address the substance of what Mr. Alan McLeod is saying:

1) new breweries are having problems with quality control
2) The Bruery took an active stand against quality control (by offering consumers the option to purchase something with full disclosure)
3) The Bruery should have outright dumped all of the beer and not allowed customers to exercise any choice as to whether they wished to purchase the product, fully-informed or otherwise
4) He also makes this final point:
“If it is good enough for big beer and the jet setting purveyors of sucker juice to suggest that if “a beer drinker has a bad experience, they are just going to go back to companies they know and trust” it is also worth the same pile on when an established brewer is passing off unstable and unintendedly sub-par beer – even at an embarrassingly inflated discount”

You may also notice that this sentence has 66 words in it, an out-of-context quote, no fewer than three independent clauses, the word “unintendedly,” and, most importantly: doesn’t make any fucking sense.

So let me try to dig in and break down the dollop of levity that I whipped up in the ole DDB kitchen yesterday, since this author wants to grind on a straw man.
I am in favor of full disclosure from breweries: when they fuck up, when they have relevant information, even when it wouldn’t matter to 90% of the craft beer world. Giving a consumer a transparent appraisal of your product and then leaving the decision up to them is not “sucker juice,” it is leaving autonomy to the neckbeards to decide whether they want a $20 bottle of lacto porter or 3 issues of Barely Legal. I like that they have that choice. I do not like that the beers were infected and I didn’t dust off my “FUCK QC” foam finger for this issue, if people want to buy the beers, then let them.

People should be allowed to make their own shitty decision, no one is apologizing for them

People should be allowed to make their own shitty decision, no one is apologizing for them

Making a blanket statement about new breweries in general is myopic and leverages Goliath to fall onto David. The Bruery is not a new operation, nor are they undercapitalized, nor are they some novice in the beer game. They have produced some world class beers and maintain one of the largest independent barrel aging programs in the United States. To give them a condescending pat on the head, call them “charmingly high billing” and “put on [their] big boy pants” warrants qualification. Not from them, from you Alan McLeod. I am not here to apologize for Bruery infecting a beer, I am here to take a look at your qualification for making any judgments about their products.

On his own admissions he “[is] not out of pocket because [he has] not been impressed with any offerings [he has] tried by the brewery in question, chalking down the muddle to trucking beer across a continent.” What in the fuck is this guy even talking about? A massive barrel aged beer like Bourbon Barrel Bois was somehow skunked in transit? We are given no context for the opinions presented beyond a quick wash, “I have, thankfully, no skin in the game.” More apt, this guy has no fucking knowledge in the game of Bruery offerings. If you haven’t tried the best offerings from a brewery, maybe you should either 1) shut the fuck up with blanket statements about all of their products or 2) qualify your shitty opinion with “I have had only Mischief and Rugbroad, I don’t seem to know shit.”

FATALITY: JANKY KANO WINS.

FATALITY: JANKY KANO WINS.

It’s fine not to know what the fuck you are talking about, but characterizing the DDB post as some kind of apology again, makes no fucking sense. If you want to talk about consumer responsibility, the choice is very binary: buy it or fuck off. It is as simple as that. I read the Bruery email and was like “wait, should I buy this?” and then the second question arose, “perhaps I should just fuck off.” This guy is not even in the Reserve Society, has no fucking ability to even buy the beers he is railing against, no knowledge of the products in question, and instead we get some autoerotic quotes like, “I avoid this sort of problem by educating myself well in advance, by knowing how the world works.” Oh shit, throw me a rope down from your Ivory Tower because the rest of us have no idea what we are doing. We simply cannot make informed decisions like you can, Alan McLeod. We need to enlist the help of The AUTHOR OF “THE UNBEARABLE NONSENSE OF CRAFT BEER – A RANT IN NINE ACTS” I am not shitting you.

Bottom line: standards do matter. The Bruery offered up a product with a full disclosure of their own knowledge and allowed consumers to make their own decisions. No one is applauding the infection. I have yet to find a single person who read the email and was like “this is fucking tight, $10 off.” We all understand the circumstances and the transaction presented because we are fucking adults. We don’t need some interloping third party to explain to us that a brewery should dump infected beer. I can understand that without a rant in nine acts because I am a fucking adult.

The ultimate irony is being called a “sign of the end times” by a noteworthy blogger from the past, who remains less relevant in today’s continually-evolving beer culture.

8 thoughts on “DDB Declared “Witless Apologist” and “Sign of the End Times” by Noteworthy Beer Author

  1. But his “book” has a 4 star rating from 3 people; so he at least has enough influence over his family to get them to click a few things. I’m so glad this country gives me the right to fuck off, I don’t know what I’d do without it.

    • The right to fuck off was codified in the 14th amendment and later buttressed by supporting case law.

      People who need to fuck off are a protected class of people and subject to strict scrutiny.

  2. No, comments are closed because I get 600 spams an hour. Happy you get a kick out of being mentioned. Feel free to disagree and swear all you want as it’s a free world – but a brewery who doesn’t flush a bad back is a brewery in search of suckers.

  3. In Alan’s defense, it’s hard to criticize a guy who’s “book” was called a “swashbuckling romp”. I would have dubbed it “an intellectual mindrape of $2.99.” *

    *FULL DISCLAIMER: I have not read Alan’s book. I have read some of his blog postsm but I found that they lost some of their pizzazz traveling across the county on my interweb’s dial-up connection.

  4. You are my new fucking hero! I will endeavour to find you and buy you many beers. I too was a ‘victim’ of an Alan McLeod post years ago – in which he criticized a barrel aged beer I made with four other brewers that would not be ready for 3-4 years. His main objection is it would be too expensive. This despite it not actually being for sale, or more than a week old at the time. I told him off, less eloquently than you have, but in my own way, effectively questioned his relevance and knowledge of anything beer related. He got all ‘internet tough-guy’ on me until I responded “any time any place” and then he wanted to be my friend.

    He, and many others of his ilk are precisely whats wrong with craft beer now; a lot of people wanting to cash in on the work of actual brewers without ever cleaning out a mash tun (or leaving their basement). It’s the gold-rush in craft beer at the moment and everyones an expert, has multiple noteworthy certifications, is a beer ‘judge’, and hides behind opinion rather than stand with any facts.

    But life too short to deal with nutters, I’m having a Bruery Tart of Darkness and planning my next (expensive) brew.

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