@thebruery Melange 9, Them Pina Colada Choppers; Hoarders Covered in Snow Still Sippin Still Tippin

I can already hear the dithyrambic choruses of pussy hurt tickers all complaining “ANOTHER HOARDERS ONLY WRITE UP OMFG MY 1oz POUR OF WINEIFICATION WASNT EVEN THAT GOOD WHAT A HOMER DDB IS A SELL OUT WHY NO HOPESLAME REVIEWS”

Well allow me to gently caress your bruised cervixes with this solace, this is a delicious beer worthy of your attention. To that end, I will write today’s review in the Berkleyan didactic dialogue format to address all of the forthcoming complaints from Bruery haters. Come at me, watch when you get clapped with the burner.

in love with that tropical juicyjuice inb4 "DAT CARB" japery

in love with that tropical juicyjuice inb4 “DAT CARB” japery

The Bruery
California, United States

Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | 8.00% ABV

Notes/Commercial Description:
This sour ale was the winner of our Hoarders Society blending competition. A combination of our sour blonde, Sour in the Rye, and White Oak Sap along with Ginger and Coconut.

Bruery Hater: Oh fucking great, another Sour in the Rye variant, sure Peach was rated as world class but where is the originality, I haven’t even had this beer but I already know it is uninspired.

DDB: Good points, except they are all shitty. This bears an appearance resemblance to SitR but takes a lighter splishy splashy note on both the hues, them apricot tones, and gentle carb. A good looking beer albeit a bit still in execution.

Hater: “Gentle” yeah sure, more doublespeak for your complete sellout bullshit. Plus you just bought this on the internet.

DDB: That is akin to stating that buying Blabaer is as easy as hitting currency exchange in Copenhaagen and picking up some krones. This beer has a phenomenal nose to it that isn’t in the same realm as that synthetic lip balm and sun tan lotion shit, it maintains a juiciness not unlike fresh tangerines and a coconut closer like an acidic pina colada that begs to be drank next to your frozen-over pool. The musk is subtle and the acidity is nothing like the realm of SitR Kumquat and this comes across more in line with the lactic saisons from Side Project than an ultra acidic haymaker.

Open this at a tasting and part the red sea like them Louboutins

Open this at a tasting and part the red sea like them Louboutins

Hater: Why not just do a writeup on every Hoarders bottle to try to boost trade value, you conveniently didnt review French Oak Bois, fucking sellout. I have had Sour in the Rye, i don’t even need to try this, BRB gonna go drop a hot 2.5 on it since all it takes is a drag down menu for me to review beers.

DDB: Again, this goes beyond the realm of the Sour in the Rye lineage and the taste is something gentler and juicier, tropical fruits are overwhelming, pineapple, satsuma, guava, and a drying coconut finish that doesn’t impart that waxy oiliness that is pandemic in heavy handed coconut beers. The beer is less acidic than most of the other Bruery offerings and the drinkability and mouthfeel are boosted as a result. Take a pack of tropical Starburst and cook them like base on a foreman grill with coconut water as that sodium bicarbonate to whip up them hot rocks. Sticky sweet tart dankness by the bag.

it drops that coconut and then just keeps givin u them nutzzz

it drops that coconut and then just keeps givin u them nutzzz

Hater: My favorite joke is to cast the same “apple vinegar” comment on beers I have never tried, so let me go ahead and drop that same note here. Plus coconut fades really fast, unless it is coconut in Proprietors, by the way I have several of those for trade LMK

DDB: If you are one of those malty cock grinders who love to liken every sour offering from the Bruery to extreme examples like Motherfunker and Batch 50, you can help yourself to one of the zero fucks that I give. This beer is less drying and washes away clean and crisp with little residual acidity, presenting intense crushability. My 750ml was gone before I could finish a NOFX EP. 23 minutes of fun. I don’t see this holding up well over time because the main event is the coconut and tropical fruit interplay. If you see someone trading this 6 months from now, kindly link him to this review and tell him he is a dipshit.

mfw "ALL BRUERY SOURS ARE TASTE THE SAEM"

mfw “ALL BRUERY SOURS ARE TASTE THE SAEM”

Hater: So predictable, 900 words just praising some bottle I will try a year from now, I look forward to complaining about the lack of coconut. My trustee just sent me my Melange 8 and I didn’t taste any coffee from that 11 month old beer, typical Bruery hype. Also, $20 for this beer? totally overpriced. I can name plenty of other delicious American golden sours available that cost far less, but you, well, yeah you probably already know them so I wont name them. There are lots, trust me.

DDB: This is well worth the cost of entry and serves to validate the $700 hoarder’s buy in when you get beers like this. The drinkability is exceedingly high and almost serves as a complaint because you cant really share this beer given how you can drill it harder than the Tehcnodrome. This isn’t a life altering sour, but just a delicious tropical foray into something tasty and familiar. Think of that Cigar City collabo pineapple/barrel aged tripel, and then imagine the exact opposite because this is actually delicious and not completely shitty.

Does someone have an American Sour that you can't get? Protip: tell them it isn't a real lambic and return to jacking off with your own tears.

Does someone have an American Sour that you can’t get? Protip: tell them it isn’t a real lambic and return to jacking off with your own tears.

Dunt/Seawatchman/etc.: Cool fucking review, entirely prejudiced by where you live. BRB not buying this because I can buy 3F gueuze for $18.99 and you are a complete dumbfuck if you drink anything else.

DDB: Alright, go do that. If you want to drink a delicious beer that is not a lambic, this is a tasty offering worthy of your attention.

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One thought on “@thebruery Melange 9, Them Pina Colada Choppers; Hoarders Covered in Snow Still Sippin Still Tippin

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