DDB has upwards of 6 female readers at this point, putting the neckbeard to XX chromosome at somewhere around 1873:1, pretty admirable in a hobby dominated by basement dwellers and stretch marked bronies who buy their jeans at the grocery store.
Even brewbrahs need love. Don’t worry though, BREWFORALL is on the lookout for all them BREW BABE HOTTIESSSS:
That’s right, they are doing all the heavy lifting for you and your ultra busy Zoosk account. If sending dixpix next to nib bottles was getting tiring, don’t trip, Brewforall is gonna round up all the brewbabes for you and do a stunning, in-depth, 4 question interview highlighting a new babe each month and the sole criteria is that you are 21 (THEY WILL FUCKING CHECK) and female (THEY WILL FUCKING CHECK.)
I love the way that the rhinestone gauntlet is cast upon the smooth alabaster tile “IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A BREW BABE OF THE MONTH” like it’s joining Mensa or some shit you put on your resume before handing it in at Golden Corral.
“Ah, I see here you were March Brew Babe of the month,-”
“Yes, you can only imagine what my plentyoffish account looks like at this point”
“Right, but this is Planned Parenthood, I am not sure how this is relevant.”
The second rule is also ultra legit: ” You must like and be able to describe a particular brew that is you favorite.” Whoa, do I need a Scantron for this level of scrutiny? Here are some answers from some of the BREWBABES BRO:
Well i’m Typically a whiskey kinda chick, like Jim Beam or Makers but on my days of “beer mood” Rolling Rock, or Lindemans Framboise (raspberry beer). But as of late, i’m stuck on this cherry whiskey, either Evan Williams or Red Stag. Its yummy yummy lol.”
So this website dedicated to beer, to the point that they have set an apotheosis for women in the beer world, the first Brewbabe has a working knowledge of beer tastes somewhere inbetween “DMV clerk” and “Nana.”
The third rule decided that “BEER” is too restrictive, I mean, how many drinks can one really think of in the resctrictive category of “beer” pretty limiting if you ask me. “New rules!! Can be anything Beer, Wine, Liquor, mixed drink, just has to be alcohol related.” So if you are super into sipping Scope vintages, totally legit, new rules brewbrah.
To be fair, BREWFORALL does give a heads up “If your answers contain the words Bud, Bud Light, Coors, or any of the other Mega Brewers, we cannot guarantee our readers won’t take issue with that!” The BFA readers are an excitable bunch and we cannot guarantee your safety. Brewforall is not liable for your lawn if a beer nerd in a Nissan Leaf does a sick burnout on it out of hate/erotic fixation. Despite this warning, the VERY NEXT Brewbabe says fuck all that, living on the edge like:
“I am easy to please when it comes to drinks…I love a nice cold Bud!”
DROPPING THE FUCKING MIC ON BEER NERDS, traps flexing with zero fuxxx, supporting adjunct lagers in a world that has frowned upon rice and beechwood aging, this noble matriarch presses on with cool repose.
Surely at this point you are like “FUCK. I need to get in on this action. Please tell me there is a screen print t shirt with white text sold at 400% markup.”
Well fear not, BREWFORALL HAS YOU FUCKING COVERED WITH THESE THREADS THAT WILL ENSURE THE SAFETY OF YOUR VIRGINITY AND CONTINUED RESTRICTED VISITATION RIGHTS OF YOUR CHILDREN:
I don’t know what the fuck I am even doing anymore, I am just gonna drop thousands of hits on this site for no reason. DDB got that sick vascularity, ill pump, quads fully engaged, no round in the back.