Crooked Stave Fertile Soil, Casting Fertile Seeds on Even More Fertile Soil

My friend Sean sent me this in a huge box of Colorado’s finest and I had to give a nod to this well-done beer. Got me feeling more fertile than a 32 chamber indoor growing system in Chico, California.

DIFFERENT SETTING, don't worry, you're still on the same shitty pedantic website, no cause for alarm.

Crooked Stave Fertile Soil, Dry Hopped Belgian Golden Ale, 7%

A: This has a nice golden sheen to it but the real star here is the carbonation, holy hell, so pleasing the the eye and palate. Nice wispy lacing like a Victorian antechamber.

This beer is strange, but complex. The level of refreshment indicates craftsmanship from serious ale healers.

S: There’s a great hop presence with aserose, pine, mild grassiness and some sweet honey backing from the malt. If I had a lawn, I would watch it grow while enjoying this beer.

T: This has a great woody/herbal character to it that doesn’t distract from the base beer. I dont know if the yeasty esters were supposed to shine through, because they don’t really, but it is still spectacular as a result.

I didn't expect a whole lot initially, but then this beer blew me away when it slapped my shit.

M: This has a nice crackly bubbliness to it that washes away clean only leaving some residual crackery notes and a huge pinecone for you to ruminate on. Extreme Mouth Makeover, your mouth is now a green house, enjoy.

D: This is incredibly drinkable and I wish I had another bottle, but oh well, mo brewin mo problems. I ain’t even mad though. The 750ml seems spot on and I don’t think this would be out of place in 6 packs. This was one of like 850 bottles so giving it unqualified praise is kinda a dick move but, seek it out I GUESS.

This beer is mature, yet light and refreshing at the same time. Adult tea party libations.


Narrative: The days at the Ring Pop factory were unremarkable. The ongoings of average plastic ring fabrication and the precious experience needed to craft saccharine jewels were something that lost its luster early in Waylon Winters’s terminally boring factory job. He always saw himself as more of a Pushpop sort of jeweler, or hell, he was musically inclined and Melody Pops were not entirely out of the question either. One day while performing his routine tank cleaning a case of watermelon gems spilled and he went about recollecting this precious bounty. One jewel rolled behind a corn syrup tank and, upon further reflection, he noticed a heavy door left ajar. Waylon walked with quiet reverence into this private chamber and looked in awe upon the sheer motherload of confectionary jewels adorning the chamber. It was like the Aladdin of diabetes and he looked with baited breath at a 7lbs blue raspberry Heart of the Ocean replica. “So you like what you see?” a voice boomed into the chamber and Waylon turned around to see the master jeweler, Ralph Stickery, sucking lazily upon a sticky candy broach on his shirt. “Well, you will probably want to know how all this is possible Waylon, this magic plant-” he produced a tiny bougainvellia-looking plant that was quickly budding and producing a series of candy gem buds. “It is the plants that make the sweetness and the herbs that control the craft, I trust this floral secret will remain between us.” Waylon nodded and licked a candy scepter in an unsuggestive manner.

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