Content overload from DDB today. Maybe Leftyhyzer was right, maybe I am an attention seeking dipshit with leftover foreskin due to a botched circumcision. MAYBE THEY WERE ALL RIGHT.
I promised this review to Libbey. Gonna paint him on my local handball court. RIP bezzled out pieces.
So here at DDB we have been yapping off at the nanners about VALUE distinctions, G.E. Moore immutable definition of the good, aesthetic returns on comparable value sets, WHICH IS DOPER BRAH, shit of the nature. So as a bonus, today we are going to chop it up and take a run at the bourbon world to test those axioms to see if the old HEY IT IS ALL THE SAME JUICE tautology rings true. So we are taking a $300 secondary market bourbon (GTS) and its baby brother at $90ish secondary (Stagg Jr.) ALL THE PEDOS WILL PREFER THE JR. AND THEN WE MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW YOUNG IT IS. Classic levity.
So do we make midwest pour jokes when it comes to expensive bourbon, I forget the rules. THIS SHIT IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN SETTLERS OF CATAN.
Alright first up, 2014 George T. Stagg, BTAC Collection. 138.1 proof.
Aged 16 years, LOL JUST LIEK YOU LIKE THEM BECAUSE AGE OF CONSENT IN KENTUCKY LOLOLOL
This is a big thick hummer tick, in a hummer whip, it will beat you liver like a big dick plumber dick. It has a deep oakiness to it and is one of the darkest, deepest ambers in the bourbon world this side of Elijah Craig Barrel proof and Old Blowhard. It is burnt caramel and menacing looking, better wear a cup. The nose is so. fucking. powerful. You get a massive waft of concentrated lacquer and oak, sawmill shavings, burnt turbinado sugar, 8th grade woodshop, toasted peanut brittle and honeycomb.
The hnnnggg is real. A force to be reckoned with, like dating a hairdresser, things get apeshit real quick.
This is a beast without water and the taste is extremely syrupy in the mouthfeel just moving and setting up its oaky Hentai objects around the studio apartment that is your mouth. Shit gets hot real fast. The water helps to tame this beast in a massive way. I usually feel like a needledick when I have to reach for the water, undoing all the cask strength goodness with my bitchassness.
I didn’t choose the BTAC game, the BTAC chose me.
Ultimately the fusel notes are overpowering and the oak dominates without water. With a touch of lube, things get way more exciting. You get leather, that honey and lemon pledge, sticky molasses and a lingering cinnamon more common in aged ryes. Shit is real tasty. Be man and and sip it forever with no water, put on Say Yes to the Dress and feel your testicles swell. The water nukes the banana and poundcake finish, but with great power comes great drunken sexts.
Ok enough royalty tier ticks,
NO GLENCAIRN THIS STUDY IS FLAWED
Stagg Jr. 9 years old [lol bc underaged jokes, always so funy] 134.4 proof
This bourbon fucks you like it is fresh out of jail.
This bourbon is drastically younger and is a fraction of the cost, wouldn’t it be such an economic parable if I could tell you to drink this and we all rubs inner thighs and congratulate our palates? There will be no thigh rubbing, congratulatory or otherwise. This is wildly different and not in that WHICH IS THE HOT TWIN sort of way. One is clearly 9 years old and if you like it more, you should register with an online database of palate offenders.
The nose despite being lower proof is markedly hotter, sharper, angrier, bell pepperier, smashed werthers originals on the sidewalk, toasted almonds and pralines, and ethanol. The waft is fucking around to no demonstrable measure. The mouthfeel is notably drier and burns deeper like those memories of being pants’ed in gym class: it lingers in your chest forever. It is less balanced, thinner, less oaky and just a more aggressive experience. It is like a Tinder date with a cholo where every advance is just over the top. Some people liken this to Elijah Craig Barrel Proof but, this is vastly inferior and aside from the brute force, bears little resemblance to the imperial poise of GTS.
Behold, a master Whiskeronee.
THE GOOD NEWS: adding water to this bridges the valley immesurably. If you are drinking neat, GTS will decimate Jr. However, with a splash of water, the deficiencies are markedly diminished and you can focus on the sticky caramello and Bit O Honey aspects. There is a certain SKOR bar on the finish and, while not as complex, it isn’t 300% shittier, based on prices. When you add water, it’s more like comparing a 370z to a GTR instead of like…a Sentra…that is also on fire.
NO SHIT GTS WON THIS CONTEST WOW SUCH SOLID SCIENCE HERE.
So if you have a shitload of cash to burn, get the GTS, if you have only a third of a shitload (metric) then buy Elijah Craig Barrel Proof instead. LOL wow we solved so many mysteries.
dontdrinkbeer 