Kentucky Colonialism

Founders KBS, Imperial Stout, 11.2% abv

A: Deep oily hues, with very very faint brown at the thinnest edges of the glass. The viscosity on this beer is ridiculously thick and it coats the glass like chocolate robitussin. It pours with a big foamy collar and huge khaki bubbles. That dismissive barista could learn a thing or two about your alcoholism if you had the stones to bring this into Starbucks.

S: Wow. Deep chocolate scents with hints of boozy bourbon notes, cocoa and vanilla bean. The wood is faint and I would appreciate a Pappy Van Winkle version of this but, now we are splitting hairs of what is already an amazing beer. It’s like the first season of Small Wonder, just amazing on its own, stop trying to figure out how the robot works already.

T: Again, just outrageously good. Being from the west coast it is difficult to admit absolute defeat but the tag team of this masterpiece with Rare BCBS must make me raise the white flag on imperial stouts. It has such a deep taste to it with a ton of complexity to it. This is chocolate robitussin with a heavy yoohoo coating and hot alcoholic balance on the front. The sweet lingers a bit and the smoky and coffee notes go to work and dry out the back sections of your mouth, which would piss you off if you didn’t see the interplay of how well it works together. It’s a simple dynamic of, drink, coating, swallow, want more, drink more. Again, this is very drinkable and may crack out of the imperial stout cloistering for warmer climate drinking. Some things are just delicious enough on their own to defy pigeonholing.

M: this is exxon mobil in a glass, perfect for sipping because a little bit goes a long way, you put the glass down for a few moments and joy representatives are still within your gumline cleaning seals and waiting for the smoke and coffee notes to clear. Drink it in the morning and taste it all day. Overall a fantastic stout and the only contender to really put an even challenge up against the abyss and perhaps even defeating it, wish I had more test data to contrast. BOTTOMS UP BOTTOMS UP A couple bottles of this simply is not enough.

D: this is its roughest area as it is so aggressive so filling so hectoring in approach you have a hard time welcoming it for long periods, it kicks your mouth all over the room like a spaghetti western brawl and when the 12oz is done you are cast through swinging double doors and brush the coffee notes off of your chest, but you do want more. You want to slide this KBS across an old tymie piano simply because the fight itself is so enjoyable.

Narrative: Claire Murkmuggins didn’t mind the delta. Shoot, half her family couldn’t tell you the way rightside out of the delta. In fact, she kinda liked its murkiness, the way the cool silt ran through her toes when she was fishing for crawdads. The deep black nights where the bayou water looked like shimmering oil, ignited by the moonlight. I mean sure, she liked all that just fine, but what she really aspired to do, I mean, someday of course, Claire wanted to take over the family Chocolate Milk dairy. She grew tired of harvesting coffee beans all day with all the youngins, she had that dark capitalism spirit and she wanted in on that chocolate empire. Sometimes at night she’d sneak into the old cocoa refined and push her slender arm deep into the 70% dark chocolate and feel a secret power in its stickiness. She was refined but poised, in control, but sprightly. One day, she too would revolutionize the stodgy old chocolate milk world.