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Rodenbach Caractère Rouge, Taking Regular Old Rodenbach to Baller New Levels

Thanks to Anthony for hooking me up with this Belgian beast. The regular old Rodenbach is a solid standby for the uninitiated. I love dropping that or some Duchess Du B. on a normal person not completely obsessed with beer, and then watching their worlds completely change like giving a pack of Parliaments to a 6th grader. This beer takes that old formula and puts me back in the n00b seat with a whole new delicious spin on those oaky/cherry/jolly rancher flavors that I seem to take for granted now. Let’s bust some cherries open in today’s review.

I need a beer that is red in the cheeks and a bruin in the sheets.

Brouwerij Rodenbach N.V.
Belgium
Flanders Red Ale | 7.00% ABV

A: this has nice gentle carbonation, and a one inch head that climbs and subsides gradually, dark red, dried blood with orange amber hues at the edges, head sits with hold like a rootbeer float and then immediately crackles away.

This beer destroys the inside of your mouth but it is so gosh darn gentle, you don’t really mind.

S: sour cherries, sweet nose, a bit of a funkiness, a bit of the cork with a woodiness, and finally a tannic raspberry aspect follows the cherry bride, holding the train.

T: the sour cherry is very pronounced, it is very light on the palate with a bittering grape skin flavor, flavor passes quickly with intense layers, tart pomegranate sweetness to it, the sweetness is like a cherry jolly rancher for a moment and the bitterness overtake quickly. You get a bit of acetone but not to the vinegar status levels, the whole affair is very fruit forward, much like that Fruit Picking Summer Camp your parents sent you to. But then you later found out it was just a Honduran guy’s house.

I will obtain more bottles of this………..eventually….

M: This is very thin and refreshing, easy to drink for any occasion, if not price prohibitive, an excellent session beer that doesnt over dry the palate despite all the tart notes, taste hits hard on the front end and leaves with little resides or coating in the mouth. The fruits help to calm down the acidic character and a light fruit roll up aspect is left lingering. It puts a body kit and cold air intake on regular old Rodenbach and pulls far more Philipino chicks as a result.

D: This is very drinkable, perhaps session is a bit strong but certainly 2 or 3 would be reasonable, if you enjoy the tartness and wild ale character, you could drink this all day given the abv and the lack of weight to the beer. The average consumer might not be on board with this style but I find it to be refreshing with bright notes. My wallet is definitely not on board with the death hammer price though. I think shipped from Belgium this beer ends up being, what $60 a bottle? Oh well, haters gonna hate.

This is a strange beer, worthy of cool reverence. Comforting but uncomfortable at the same time.

Narrative: They huddled in the cold dark holding cell, awaiting release “You number 34724?” A tense overseer inquires. He nodded with trepidation, awaiting the release, and at just that moment the cork gateway was opened, releasing him and his cherry bretheren, sour and full of misgivings upon the awaiting masses. “DONT GET CAUGHT ON THE FRONT LINE, WE ARENT HERE FOR SWEET” He had been told this many times, the initial sweet sentry tastebuds fell effortlessly under his tart scimitar. With an aerialists grace he imparted sweet blood on the front gates of the toungegrounds, charging directly to the back. This smash and grab had been rehearsed time and time again within the confines of his 6 month conditions, directly to the bitter, hit the sour and escape. With rote skill and a pike jump the bitter taste faction was seamlessly integrated, their sensory necks broken, neurons lithely hitting the ground as the tary cherry warrior continued his flay into the dark abyss. His job was done. The tart was communicated and his purpose was served.

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Kona Longboard Island Lager, Hitting the Salty Curl and Getting so Pitted, No Barrels Brah.

It is hot out, your mouth wants a lager. Admit it. I don’t mean Kuhnhenn Raspberry Eisbock or something crazy, I mean a regular old pale lager. Admit it. In today’s review, we see how it stays light out later in the summer. We learn how the other side drinks with an American Pale Lager. We learn to stand in someone else’s flipflops.

I had this in Maui, appropriately enough. This picture is probably from somewhere in Fresno.

Longboard island lager
Kona Brewing Co.
Hawaii, United States
American Pale Lager | 4.60% ABV

A very light pale gold color with a thin yellow pallor, open any mainstream lager, and well, there you go. What else do you want me to say? When was the last time you poured a pale lager into a glass and had to go retrieve your socks, having them knocked clean off? That’s what I though, Reality Czech, but that doesn’t count. Not a bad looking beer, but a solid type of girl who shops at Forever 21 and begins sentences with “not even gonna lie-” that sort of pedestrian shallowness is what we are dealing with here.

Whenever I hate on pale lagers, the mouthbreathers get all up in arms and defend session beers. Raters gonna rate.

S almost nothing a slight lemon and a hint of bread, water is the overriding note. What does water smell like? Like the salty pipe when you are carving so hard on the barrel getting so pitted. Water smells like a Point Break marathon. It also smells like Trumer Pils, Rolling Rock, Beck’s, those all smell like water+x.

T the taste is very fleeting and imparts a light honey and apple character overall it is water and thin croissant notes. I would make up something flambuoyant or clever but there simply is nothing here but a mild initial taste with a crisp finish. It’s like biting into a malty piece of celery. It is super refreshing and I can see models and size 0 women enjoying this beer judiciously, watching it turn warm in their palms since it serves as a perfect prop so as to say “look, I am slumming it and not drinking a cosmo because the setting dictates such.” It is refreshing and you can drink, well you really would HAVE to drink several, for the desired effects.

Not everything that happens on the beach is a good idea.

M there is almost nothing to comment on, it is exceptionally thin with no coating. The bubbles cascade the limited flavors up and about but, like most Drama club kids, it just doesn’t bring a lot to the table. I would say a Gose would remind me of a longboard, but the limited sweet notes would probably be pretty enjoyable on a hot day. You know what else reminds me of longboards? Long Beach, and no one wants to be reminded of that foul den of iniquity and Sublime fans.

D this is great for manual labor or pushing nerds into trashcans. I can see its refreshing character as having some utility, but the fact is that there are more delicious ways to attain refreshment. Witnessing a high school sophmore deliver a book report on Island of the Blue Dolphins is refreshing, but hardly rewarding. Such is the case with this beer.

SKERLER WE NEED MORE FLAVERS. WE ARE IN DANGER.

Narrative: Tatum’s parents got divorced at age 8, they said it wasn’t his fault. He never got those Streetsharks action figures that he always wanted, he knew it wasn’t his fault. He got placed as a second string nose guard when he was a Senior on the football team, he convinced himself it wasn’t his fault. Somehow, this lackluster individual carried on day by day. He worked diligently at Blockbuster Video, until Netflix arrived and, that really wasn’t his fault either. Ultimately, Ohio’s economy had too many Tatum’s, too many Skylers, too many Aidens, Braydens, Jaydens, Haydens, Maydens, Raidens; but I digress. His strength was his utter lack of individuality. These days, when you get your auto insurance claim handled just appropriately enough, that was the sweet work of Tatum. Update: his job will soon be outsourced.