This @destihlbrewery collab with @binnysbev is pretty deece, it’s not not deece. Please understand I mean this relative to other barrel aged barleywines, which is to say it is still better than almost every other thing you could buy at a big box alcohol retailer. Just by virtue of even deciding to make a bourbon aged barleywine you know Destihl gets it.
The issue arises because it’s a demanding style and you inevitably get compared globally to some of the most insane beers within the segment. It’s got some of the more expected bites, Riesin candy, prunes, fig Newton’s, but it has this crackly sharp astringency that become more pronounced at higher temps. It’s not like the full on twang of Sherry, but it’s on that route.
Ultimately it’s a pretty good but not great example of the most competitive segment you can seek to enter. With every passing can the public becomes more steeped in sticky malt runnings.
In wine reviews, the only term more overused than “austere” is “concentrated.” With full bodied reds these fuschia-mouthed gourmands will always ejaculate things like “firm” and “muscular” and this is the first time that I found a firm, muscular, concentrated barleywine. Kent the Otter is a wild ride and it is sinewy and intense.
Like the IBU wars of the 2000s, the lactic acid wars of the mid 2010s, and the lactose wars that are currently ongoing, barleywine production has a weird badge of pride all its own: boil times. The more water you can pull out of the water to compress that flavor profile, the more lustily the nips of the malty consumer ache. SIXTEEN HOURS BRUH. This beer is all maris otter, all boil.
Oh there’s a strong cask presence, but that’s like the soft pillowy marshmallows in Rocky Road: mere set dressing for how expressive the malt is. The beer presents waves of Raisinettes, prunes, fig jam, grape otter pop [cf. Alexander the Grape], an ice wine finish and a loooooong Grenache closer. It’s malt concentrate.
I almost never say this but, you have to share this beer. The unassuming 10.4% abv seems reasonable but it’s the construction of the beer itself. Some people will cork Xyauyu to fight that battle another day, this is one of those end barleybosses. The low carb and fruit leather welcome you to take another pass when you’re prepared for this.
I don’t want to seem like a baby palate, but this pushes the limits of what my adolescent face hole can handle. It’s not the heat, it’s more like listening to the Mars Volta discography where the complexity is exhausting. This is a bold new market for barleywine, one seemingly made to be split many ways. The 4.8 on Untappd and $200 resale price all but seems to ensure that will occur.
Somewhere there’s a boring Gen X’er wearing a Titleist polo overpaying for bottles of Harlan talmbout “ugh so OPULENT, it’s stern, domineering, grippy and angular” and you know his incognito browser tabs have unspeakable content. We all laugh at those middle manager dipshits with teenage kids, cobbling together a personality predicated on luxury consumables. Beer is different. For we are scavengers, otters, trash people who boil malt water into syrup so decadent we have to part it out like a fresh caramel corpse among the pack, little webbed paws pulling at the drippy raisin bits. Concentration is life.
NORTH CAROLINA FreeKaleek alert: Ok so @dssolvr AFTER is a solidly made, conceptually ambitious pastrywine, but I don’t much care for it. By way of background, the Dssolvr kolsch is simple and refreshing so it’s not a lack of ability. Wooden teeth was arguably my favorite beer of 2020, so it’s not depth. The problem lies in conceptual execution. They added coconut and vanilla to a solid barleywine base and the result is subtraction by addition.
Pastry barleywine is almost never better than just the OG base. That’s one of the best things about barleywine, you never see minor variants artificially throttled for max profits. Barleywine usually just is, and it’s the palates that have to conform. It isn’t a malleable protean affair trying to mimic some dessert case offering. It’s first and foremost barleywine, and the consumer is the one that has to adapt. This is the reason confectionary Barleywines will never sell for $500, because they don’t court the disposable incomes that dudes wearing Chunky Dunks will drop.
The beer itself is snickerdoodle and sugar cookie, the vanilla has a waxy lipgloss aspect like cream soda. The coconut with the base beer unfolds like angel food cake if you poured a shot of jim beam on it. It’s a merger of worlds I am not ready for. Neophytes love the simplicity of desserts. The brain runs on glucose and no matter how full you are, base instinct will allow you to eat dessert. That’s the reason for its placement at the end of a meal. However, I want barleywine to be the entree.
I’m sure there are 14 year old girls who love Machine Gun Kelly playing a pink guitar with Blackbear. It’s sticky sweet. I would submit that I enjoy different things than some distance learning generation Z palate, despite being a tiktok attention seeking trash person myself. People will love this beer, I recommend sticking to the base and their fantastic clean offerings. Now let’s all unite and find that piece of garbage who punched Rick Moranis.
Most people know @cigarcitybrewing for Hunahpu or Jai Alai, and that’s fine. It’s kinda like only knowing Nirvana for Nevermind and not listening to Unplugged in New York: you’re missing out on something amazing. Their barleywine program runs deep. Cigar City crushes the strong ale game and has had a resurgence in the malt game as of late that Catador Members have been secretly sucking down like teens polishing off champagne glasses at a wedding. We all know what you are up to.
Charleywine is a collab with @magnanimousbrewing brewing. The eponymous Charlie Meers rocks drug rugs, probably wears Vibrams and looks like he wants to discuss Phish phantasy tours from the mid-2000s with you. You can close your eyes, see the System of a Down blacklight poster and just know what that 8th grade bedroom smells like.
Magnanimous is right next to Garagiste and Hidden Springs, so you would assume they are dripping in residual sugar and epipens. Paradoxically, they pivot to make resinous haze and strong ales that have a drier finish. It’s sheer irony that Magnanimous is in the same state notorious for some of the greediest beer traders this side of St. Louis.
But is this real Life? Yes, it is so so well done. If you had CCB Cyclopaedia and hit those waves of caramel apple sucker, you know this boozey treat is warming up your clavicle. Sees butterscotch lolipops will cut your mouth, but its worth it. Apple brandy and rye barrels push/pull to add this peach fritter, floral, potpourri aspect to a tightly wound pumpernickle body. It’s waves of flavor in a compact package. The Jon Snow of barleywines.
It’s the type of barleywine for the dude who has consistent unprotected sex with bumble dates and says “not looking for anything serious” then orders a Deleuze and Guattari book he will never read. It’s the cool mom who lets kids get ripped on apple pie moonshine in the basement because “as long as they’re doing in under my roof it makes me feel better.” It’s complex but unrefined.
Beers like this demonstrate barleywine’s superiority over adjunct stouts in a way that almost makes you feel bad for people who haven’t gotten there yet. Barleywine is for us.
When you’re a little kid you learn that cows have four stomachs. The largest stomach is the rumen and it serves as a living fermentation vat. This evolutionary advantage converts fibrous, husky, plant material into fatty acids. Cows turn worthless fescue in coveted thick mass. It’s the conversion that matters. Urban Roots produced a base barely, Summer Life, that wasn’t as worthless as yard trimmings, but it needed to roll around in an oaky rumen. Sometimes that rest and depth that is added to a barleywine’s rich malty structure provides the incredible aesthetic value that converts it from bermuda to wagyu. This beer has been tramsuted into A5 by virtue of a barrel rumen.
Sure, the base beer was fine. However, the barrel aged version has elevated itself into that realm of accessible, unassuming, low cost, incredibly high quality barleywine in the same realm as Royal Oil, Straight Jacket, and Sucaba. The beer has this toasted sunflower seed and banana bread that is a touch bitter at first. It’s not astringent but it underscores a hoppybackend like your stepdad’s New Balances streaked with chlorophyll. The body is incredible carved and lean, pandoro with agave nectar drizzle, and a swallow that is honey roasted walnuts with a kiss of Bit O’ Honey, those terrible candies that still exist that no one buys but there they are, right next to the Circus Peanuts and the SNO CAPS.
This beer is particularly dangerous because you can mow through the complexity quickly due to the low residual sugar and oiled leather finish. It’s the barleywine you give to the guy who says “wont get far without these” and grabs his keys. It’s approachable enough for guys who have kept their wide leg Tommy carpenter jeans long enough to accidentally be in style again. It is summer ale in the way that a server nods and splits a check between five maskless pet nat drinking women at brunch, cumbersome but obliging.
So many barleywines that hit market are balls of cud. Most people think of grassy Bigfoot wads of pine and regurgitated malt when barleywines are offered. Beers like this transmute those palates into meat loving, grass fed, ruminant worshiping hindus of malty sacrifice. The conversion is the journey, and it is worth passing through the cicerones’ four stomachs.
dontdrinkbeer 