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Label Approval Pending: Gooby Pls, Knockoff Lambic with Kiwis

People be emailing/messaging about a Pediobear update, so here’s the magnificent label:

Gonna clean it up and start waxing dem caps. DDB Y U DO DIS.

Gonna clean it up and start waxing dem caps.
DDB Y U DO DIS.

Pediobear was persimmon, this beer was made a bit differently and kiwis were added, so I decided to call it Gooby Pls. It’s home brew, it’s not like it matters. You can’t get less than zero props. You can’t like owe people props.

The new label is fap approved, just like the old one.

The new label is fap approved, just like the old one.

Some people will invariably be butthurt that Pediobear is not on the label. These people clearly live in the past and are welcomed to continue enjoying faded ass BCBVS and reading Beer Advocate. We out here. I’ll be moving on.

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Hangar 24 Pugachev Royale: double barrel, brandy and bourbon, aged on cacao nibs and vanilla beans. This is one of the best stouts I have had in the past year.

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Absolutely world class. Buttercream and chocolate ice cream, incredibly thin and dry, a balanced sweet waft to the finish. I can’t stress how well done this is.

The 14.8% abv is completely imperceptible and underpins a chest warmth on the swallow. There is a nougat and mallow to the swallow that makes this an outright decadent but incredibly thin and light with an épée in hand cutting with oaky panache.

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1981 Bellevue Gueuze, def hitting its stride at the 33 year mark

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This might be the worst beer I have ever had. Ever. Srs.

Nose is buttered microwave popcorn, melted action figure, birthday candle wax, fucking hairspray on greasy pubes.

God this is awful. It makes it burn even more considering what I gave up for this Belgian abortion.

The taste is even worse, I could only get a couple ounces down, each made my eyes water. Hostile white vinegar, flat iron residue, tire aisle epoxy, tart apple jolly rancher d

2

Redbud Cuvee Four Saison, For those times When you Need Quad COOVEES

If you read DDB with any regularly, you know that I have nocturnal emissions about those musky farmhouse treats. Like ChadQuest to barleywines and BigLobo to hoppy growlers. saisons are my hayspot. Almost 13 months ago, before people started saying dumb shit like “totes” “adorbs” and “gorg” I saw this shy lil mistress on the top saisons list. Way before your minifeed was dipshit reposting top 21 LISTS THAT CANNOT HANDLE THINGS RIGHT NOW, BACK WHEN BA WAS RELEVANT OH SHIT HOW YOUNG AND NAIVE WE WERE. Anyway, I put up a couple ISOs and tickers were like “wtf is that, trade for Cherry Rye like the rest of us bitch, get in line.” DDB will continue to chase down that farmhouse clitorati and flick that musky bean with rapacious tenacity.

Thanks to Trady, you beautiful bearded bastard.

Who knew a single failed ISO could end up list this? No one ticker should have all this power.

Who knew a single failed ISO could end up list this? No one ticker should have all this power.

Redbud Brewing Company, go visit them, knock on the door.
Oklahoma, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 7.00% ABV

A: Just look at this Sunny D brett C banger just looking straight blended up in this bitch. One night Pissenlit got ultra feided on Molly, banged a polynesian farmhouse chick from Oklahoma, identity crises ensued and this turbid radiant gem was born and left on the doorstep of the midwest. The midwest has zero fucks to give for farmhouse ales, UNLESS PERENNIAL OH SHIT TAKE ALL MY PROPRIETORS. They slept on Squatters Fifth Element and I will never forgive that shit, “UTAH isn’t midwest” yeah but this is the same radiance that sits like a hymened wallflower at winter formal. Saisons need some love and pounding.

before we get into the smell, look at this lulzworthy commercial breakdown:

“COMMERCIAL DESCRIPTION
A belgian style ale aged in whiskey barrels with drie fonteinen yeast added. This has the same base beer as Cuvee 3 without the dry hopping, barrel aging, and different yeast profile.”

Ok so, same beer but, well ok, no dry hops, ok but BA, ok but different yeast, and ok different treatment, ok and 3F yeast, still with me? ALRIGHT WE USED CARAVIENNE MALTS IN BOTH BEERS SAME BEER. Just kidding, this beer is fucking great. As a side note, Trady also sent me a fucking Cuvee 3, for no reason. FML.

Some people ice out those jesus pieces, other ice out their saison games.  Some tickers got No Limits, DDB is the tank.

Some people ice out those jesus pieces, other ice out their saison games. Some tickers got No Limits, DDB is the tank.

S: This has a light lemon aspect on the nose similar to Saison bernice but pulls harder into the wheatgrass and muskiness like when they bale wet leaves, them trimming notes and I aint talking landing strips. Fantastic peach and tangelo rind aspect gives a sharpness to the funkiness. I thought Oklahoma was exceptional at mistreating those below the poverty line, turns out they are also exceptional at saisons. Farmhouses…IN A STATE COMPRISED ENTIRELY OF FARMS OH SHIT.

T: This is prickly and dry, crackles with this brett C profile that took over the fucking jailhouse and making the malts walk around holding its outturned pocket. They are subject to the dominion of the lactic, pounded hard with that grassy blanket tucked under the chin while the musky leather chaps click the walls. This is a decadent dry treat, exceptional in all weather, appreciated by Delta Gammas and stretch marked neck beards alike. I am so fucking glad I didn’t get to try this early on, the dryness and muskiness would get Chad Michael Yakobsen’s blue vein pounding hard, its like if you took Surette, added a sidecar, and filled the sidecar with Cialis. Saisons be getting tickers off hard these days. I ain’t talking Halia shit, I mean that 160 bpm shit that drops JLw0s and gets you wet.

The abv is completely masked on this.  Prepare to eat all the Totinos pizza rolls up in the house.

The abv is completely masked on this. Prepare to eat all the Totinos pizza rolls up in the house.

M: I think I made this clear previously, but this is a fucking dry beer. This is not a beer to drink while dry fucking. It has been stripped of any FG that you may have hoped that would have turned into your dipshit conception of what a saison should be i.e. Beatification with water added to it. This is a perfectly balanced gumline tickler that wont give you GERD.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and the only thing holding you back on this one is 1) the carbonation that peppers up these microbubbles like a ACR Bushmaster just blasting dualclips (aka those malt extendos, aka those brett C brakkabrakkas) along your esophagus and 2) the dry grassy finish that is like tongue kissing those old secret Blaugies bottles you keep in the basement from your wife. She wouldn’t understand, only you understand me 2002 Blaugies.

Put them hater blockers on.  Against saisons, them goggles do nothing.

Put them hater blockers on. Against saisons, them goggles do nothing.

Narrative: Pierre Monpelierre had reserved a single fuck for the day that he opened his farmstead in Muskogee, and he didn’t intend to relinquish title any time soon. He chose the farm based entirely upon the parallel and that unmalted wheat that he intended to produce. Most of the populace had long since sold their plot to huge conglomerates and huge farming operations, again, he retained only a single fuck to give. The only thing that this native of Normandy wished to effect was the wholesale conversion of the Oklahoma population. The lifted Silverados twisted dirt circles on his property while he filled spent chardonnay barrels. He cleaned up Schlitz cans from his driveway while he propagated the strains from the unique enteric cultures from a state largely avoided by those unaccustomed to dipping in high school. Pierre looked balefully at the skyline and watched the cotton candy clouds cascade beautifully across the horizon, dragging those same Homeric fingers above the golden wheat fields. He picked up a pair of Limited Too panties from his mailbox and prepared to pitch them into his brite tanks.

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2013 Abyss, settling in for a Pirates of Dark Water marathon.

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Looking back, casting stones in the old ale pond, like Walden with vomit running down my lapels, this is no longer that hefty unbalanced bomb that I thought it was in 2008.

Still phenomenal, seems more balanced, less “barrel” character and more anise and molasses. Kinda a half BA profile, but the base is so roasted and with that deep char.

If you read DDB, you already have had this a billion times. There’s a nostalgic love for such a world class beer that beer gets old. Exploitedcollegegirls may be tired to some, but some timeless recipes wear on like the timeless lines of a 3000GT: endlessly enjoyable.

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This one time I drank Terrapin Cinnamon Roll’d Wake N Bake, it was pretty alright

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A touch too sweet, nestle quik and some mochaccino espresso dust sprinkled in. The sweet lactose in the mouthfeel wasn’t the toasty coffee I was looking for, more like a juiced up milk stout, sick vascularirity.

All in all pretty good, the cinnamon was like adding a sidecar to a Vespa, but it was a welcome addition. I don’t know why a 2 adjunct beer gets compared to Abraxas but, I enjoyed this more. A ba treatment would do wonders I would assume. Brandy or cognac pls.