Kuhnhenn Bourbon Barrel French Toast Mead, Like Making out with an Escort in an IHOP

Ok in case the last review did not cotton favor to you and your landlocked state, today is another glowing review of an ambrosial treat from the midwest. This is a decadent treat that should likely be reviewed on http://www.dontdrinkmead.com but sadly that website doesn’t exist. It doesn’t exist for a good reason, mead is delicious and you should always drink it and never not drink it. If you are baller enough to afford rare, expensive meads; and have the palate for them: you are a bad ass and no one should question what you are drinking. Let’s get all buttered up for today’s french toast review.

Representing that D Block crowd so hard. Need mead because it's so cold in the D

Representing that D Block crowd so hard. Need mead because it’s so cold in the D

Kuhnhenn Brewing Company
Mead
16% Abv

A: This pours like a still cider or a riesling. The sheeting is fantastic and the legs are this wave of alcoholic glaze that coats the glass with your future blackout. The bright yellow lucidity of the mead is inviting and just looks decadently sweet to the core.

This is burly, yet cloyingly sweet. Don't act like you dont be wanting it.

This is burly, yet cloyingly sweet. Don’t act like you dont be wanting it.

S: This is staggering on so many levels, complexity and sheer saccharine levels. There is the waft of buttery pecan, maple syrup, cinnamon, baked bread, a sort of toffee sweetness and closes with this oily churro aspect that makes it clear that this beer is not here to fall in line. This beer will ruin you and think nothing of it. The whole smell is like the world’s most baller waffle house. If they would have integrated the smell of Newports and the waft of stripper glitter in the nose, IT WOULD BE LIKE I WAS REALLY THERE.

T: This follows the nose dead on and delivers a sticky sweet blast of butter, pecans, candied almond, bisquik, maple syrup, and a cinnamon close that just ties the whole thing together like a crazy beer from Funky Buddha. This mead takes things far beyond just fermented honey and hits zones way beyond those that are usually encountered in beer profiles. Things get rooty and tooty albeit they are not fresh nor fruity.

Bust out a rare decadent treat, show people you wont be fucked with.

Bust out a rare decadent treat, show people you wont be fucked with.

M: This is sticky and coats with a deep honey aspect, however, the funtime sweetness is burned off as the midday alcohol astringency comes through like a liqueur on the backend, drying up all the loose ends and making you feel MARGARINELY better about this buttery treat you just consumed. This is boozy, buttery, sweet, and hot with alcohol: like most women from Alabama, I assume.

D: This is both impossible to drink, and exceptionally drinkable at the same time due to the abv, sticky sweetness, and just amazingly delicious presentation. You probably COULD drink an entire bottle of this, but I dont know if that is what they were intending when they tossed this bad boy into 375ml bottles. This is meant to be shared so you can later share epipens and check your insulin levels with your buddies. SHARING IS CARING.

It may not be what you are used to, but it is still lovable nonetheless.

It may not be what you are used to, but it is still lovable nonetheless.

Narrative: I am recovering from a diabetic coma, no review today. Just make some shit up about fingerbanging an IHOP waitress or something.

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3 thoughts on “Kuhnhenn Bourbon Barrel French Toast Mead, Like Making out with an Escort in an IHOP

  1. I notice you refer to mead as a type of beer a few places in your review. Mead is not beer. It is also not wine. If you ask a beer maker they will tell you incorrectly it’s mostly like a type of beer. A wine maker will tell you the same about it being mostly a kind of wine. Wine makers will tell you it’s best made without boiling and beer makers will tell you to boil it. Both have their reasons but in both cases it’s still just mead.

    If I had to pick one I suppose I would say it’s closer to wine most of the time, but not always. I have two mead going right now that resemble both beer and wine. I have a third that is a bit more like a sherry. Some people say mead basically means honey wine. But as a mead maker I can tell you, it’s really not correct to use either term. If it is mostly beer with some honey added then it isn’t mead. If it’s mostly wine with some honey added it isn’t mead. It has to be mostly honey to be called mead. 50% of the fermentable sugar in fact or more must be from the honey.

    Beer has it’s own sub types such as an ales, lagers or a doppelbocks. Mead isn’t a subtype of beer though.

    Wine too has subtypes such as chardonnay, merlot, or cabernet. Lots of people argue that mead falls under wine including many wine experts. But it does not plain and simple.

    It does however have it’s own subtypes like Cysers, Melomels, and Smallmeads. Pyment is mead that is made with grape juice. This mead is considered half wine and falls under the wine subtypes as well. Braggot is mead that is made with malted grain (usually barley) and is a half beer mead that also falls under the beer subtypes. Of course even then it’s still one or the other depending on how much honey is used in the fermentation.

    While some meads may seam beery in flavor and body they aren’t actually beers unless they fall under the Braggot subtypes and even then if it’s just a bit of grain it’s not really a beer.

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