Daily Archives: April 12, 2012

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Port brewing Hop 15, Craft your own “jump” puns inside!

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After rounds and rounds of varying Mongo, this amazing gem comes and flips the script on the hop game. I was all reluctant at first but then this amazing hop bomb detonated all over my grill. My face. Not my barbeque.

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The character of this beer is a radiant hue of gold and brass. The nose can be compared to a summer’s day, in a manner totally unlike all others. It isn’t hot, it – god damnit this is a Fantastic beer but it is impossible to write this on my phone.

Game over. Insert coin to continue.

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Pipeworks Brewing End of Days Cacao Milk Sweet Ancho Chili Cinnamon Non-Imperial… STOUT.

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I am not kidding. That is seriously what this beer has going on. You know that shit just got real when your stout has more adjectives attached to it than a teenage girl’s drink at Starbucks, but HEY, Hunahpu’s had all that going on as well, SO THIS SHOULD BE JUST AS GOOD RIGHT?

Right?

More like the end of trades.

Pipeworks Brewing Company
Illinois, United States
Milk / Sweet Stout | 6.10% ABV

I heard mixed reviews about this thing, some people were all half mast and calling this the second coming of sweet baby Huna, others decried that this was the largest misuse of chilies since Fear Factor pushed a ghost pepper in that dude’s urethra. Who am I to judge? I WILL SHOW YOU EXACTLY WHO.

The beer pours porter thin and leaves a mild cola sheeting that doesn’t seem to have the britches to carry all those modifiers listed above. The abv of 6% is of particular concern as well and once you taste it, you realize that you liked Tboz the best, not Chili. But, what about your friends?

The taste is like taking a delicious milkshake, watering it down substantially, but keeping that sweet cacao presence, and then adding some cinnamon for good measure. You still with me? Ok so take all that with your watery milkshake, and now add a jamba juice boost of ANCHO CHILIES. After about 8oz my throat has this mild stinging and numbness like when you rub cocaine on some nips. You know the drill. It was refined but out of control at the same time, not unlike 3J from Family Matters. I enjoyed my limited serving but even my levels of badassness couldn’t wrangle this whole beastly 22oz. What about your friends? They were rolling 3 deep on this one and ultimately it seemed like when you see a 92 lbs. girl at the gym with DD implants you think that the inner beauty of simplicity and refinement need not be sullied with a din of chili madness, plus they’re just disproportionate, I mean look at that.

IT IS A CHOICE.

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Central Waters Peruvian Morning, No Better Timber Than That Decadent Peruvian Morning Wood

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Penis puns. We’ve sank that low. I guess if you divide by zero enough times, you get dick jokes.

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST BEER PICTURE EVAR GOES TO:

Wait until you see what happens Friday night.

Peruvian Morning
Central Waters Brewing Company
Wisconsin, United States
American Double / Imperial Stout | 8.50% ABV

I just have to put this out there, I think I am in love with the IDEA of Wisonsin by their beers alone. If we can forgive Belgian Red and Tart, New Glarus makes mind blowing, arousing beers; Central Waters goes a solid 3 for 3 with this amazing gem. Imagine taking their already exemplary Bourbon Barrel Stout, and aging it on coffee. The result is this sticky icky treat that delivers amazing coating, nice mild bourbon sweetness that comes across like marshmellow and toffee, and finally a vanilla/coffee finish that makes this seem like an acceptable AM beverage.

I have never been to Peru, but if this is what they mash on, then maybe all those rumors about their being a 3rd world country ravaged with poverty and unchecked imperialism ARE NOT ALL TRUE.

PERUVIAN COFFEE IN AN AMAZING STOUT?! You do not declare.