0

1999 wild turkey rare breed now I wanna slap the taste outcha mouf.

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People get six degrees of upset upon even fucking seeing bourbon on DDB. I don’t get it but, let’s keep this shit brief.

This is rare breed from back when Lit and Sugar Ray were on the radio. You probably saw this at the grocery store in 7th grade and had one of those inexplicable boners due to fucked up body chemistry. But was it worth the $35 at the time? Does anyone give a fuck now?

Well kinda? First off, if this were invented today with all these new money ballers as a new item, it would be marketed as a cask strength blend of three years and it would have a stupid bag or some shit and cost $79. They still make it and it is still underwhelming. But for the time, really good deal. In today’s dollars with the game stepped up immeasurably, it’s pretty okay but tough to go apeshit over. And yes they still make this, bars will stock it as their baller 112 proof choice for people who hate having $14 on their person.

The nose is predictable vanilla, muted oak, some honey comb and a peanut brittle finish. The taste is really tame and admittedly thin for the proof and doesn’t really improve meaningfully on the regular ass wild turkey: baked apple pie, nutmeg allspice, bit O honey and again a paltry oak finish.

This is fine. There is essentially no reason for this to exist, especially not at a 100% markup over basic WT.

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That’s what people think when I do whiskey reviews.

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Domingo 7: La Micro Brewing Co, BUHO Amber Bock, Wet Costa Rican garbage washing up on my doorstep

Sometimes I get donation boxes.  You will be able to spot them a mile away because it will be a review of something that makes no fucking sense on this site, like a random Idaho brewery that someone wants me to give an honest appraisal/dress down of their local favorites.  Some of the readers in Costa Rica wanted me to try their new local jams and comment on how their craft scene is budding on the post-imperialism island.  First and foremost, if I lived on an island paradise, the last thing I would give a fuck about is the Reinheitsgebot.  Secondly, the highest rated amber bock in the entire world is a less than mediocre score globally.  At any rate, here’s an obscure shitter from the Carribean, LOWWW LANDS LOWWWW LANDS AWAY do me johnny bolger do.

VERMONT GLASSWARE!? Already disrespected right out of the gates.

VERMONT GLASSWARE!? Already disrespected right out of the gates.

Bock, 5.8%

Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, I dont atlas

A:  This label looks like someone is stroking it hard for Geddy Lee, either that or CR is just getting Rush.  I can see all these islanders sipping German lagers in their Starter jackets.  Admittedly this is a very pretty beer, substantial carb, graceful lacing, deep amber and mahogany hues.  But if that crazy ass hairdresser you used to date is any indication, sometimes the worst things are beautiful on the outside.

Try as we might, DDB cant polish this mediocre shit.

Try as we might, DDB cant polish this mediocre shit.

S: The nose is gristy, sweet caramel, walnuts, a touch of estery clove, but mostly like roasted sugars with a conspicuous wateriness to the profile.  This is one of those types of beers that late 90s beer fan dipshits would point to while saying shit like “THE MODERN CONSUMER JUST DOESNT APPRECIATE NUANCE” and all those tired ass phrases.  I get it, trust me.  I know what bocks should be, I have had upwards of 8 in my life.  I can make jokes about Capricorn, BECK, all kinds of shit. This just isnt particularly interesting. Sorry if you just dropped your 2003 issue of DRAFT magazine while reading that shocking revelation.

I bet back in the pre-Stone days people drank Bocks and thought they were on some Radio Rahim shit.

I bet back in the pre-Stone days people drank Bocks and thought they were on some Radio Rahim shit.

T:  This continues with the toasty, nutty, almond character but introduces this out of place sweetness like nutella and that sort of conspiculously Michelob hand in things.  If I didn’t know better, I would swear this was literally a craft subsidiary owned by a macro rebrander because it pangs of all the staples of that shit: boring styles, easy to produce, low production costs, classifications that were relevant in the early 2000s which is about where the macro producers still feel safe in placing their palate projections.

The sweet notes show up and you know you are about to get lazy H'ed by three fictional breakfast cereal mascots

The sweet notes show up and you know you are about to get lazy H’ed by three fictional breakfast cereal mascots

M:  This is lager thin, for obvious reasons, exhibits a watery aspect and a lingering boring sweetness kinda like pumpernickle.  Again, this is marginally better than Yuengling Bock and I know I will have to field PA complainers who still crank down for that beer.  I guess it’s like having a girlfriend who is consistent, moderately sweet, but whose amiability cloys over time and with every passing Amateur Allure tab you open, you seek something wilder, less stable, more apeshit.  Like that crazy hairdresser.

D:  This is admittedly drinkable and offers more complexity than straight adjunct lagers but, at this point you are doing the Jeremy Bentham ethical calculus and the calories simply are not worth it for the taste and enjoyment of these 170(?) calories.  You can find far shittier beers, but if you read this site you are already hitting the cervix of the beer world, discomfort setting in for all parties.  If you are this deep, you dont need the Latter Day Saint foreplay of some mediocre bock, you are Max Hardcore.

DDB is here to tackle the real controverises, settling srs hot button issues

DDB is here to tackle the real controverises, settling srs hot button issues

EDIT: I know where Costa Rica is.  I realize it is not an island.  Please stop messaging me about the geography of that South American country.

6

@thebruery Madeira Black Tuesday, things staying dark and deviant

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Boy first rum and now we got some Madeira Black Tuesday? You know that gin cask BT is gonna set the Pacific Northwest on fire. This is executed as the thinnest bt variant this side of wineification and strays the most from the standard bourbon powered experience that you might be accustomed to.

The nose is tannic in a huge way, red grape, raisin, merlot and big oaky cab like tongue kissing post menopausal women at the pta mixer.

This shit shocks you like Blanka sharp and thin at the outset, like if Napa and Kentucky had a stout baby born with breach birth: this is in the game feet first. Fudge and raspberry, tootsie roll and fruit snacks with a crazy Malbec dryness to the finish.

If you had to kill an entire bt to yourself, you stand the best chance with this bad ratchet. People probably won’t come up off these since most people got like 1 with an expensive membership, but if you are a massive stout fiend, you should try this as I can’t think of anything materially similar to this.

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Oh shit DDB is getting political.

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Fantome sante 18, this time for the kindergartens. Trick love da kids.

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Every year Dany brews a Sante saison for some charity of his capricious choosing. This year it was for a kindergarten or something, I can’t read all these words, the label looks like a 1930s racist cartoon is serving someone beer in an Italian piazza. Who knows.

The smell here is kinda like the 2014 flat Ete mixed with a rodenbach or something. There’s currant, cherry cordial, a sort of biere de garde metallic aspect and closes with a subdued clovey yeasty aspect.

The taste is far better and is lightly tart, some sucrets and red sour patch kids, a grassy dryness to the middle that closes oddly clean like Dark white. Once you turn 18 your parents get divorced and you realize you are truly on your own in this sartorial crushing saison existence. This is the same and the ghost is what you make of it. If you want a traditional DuPont reach around, this is far more deviant and some people will pay a premium for that kinda yeasty endeavor.

Get up in it

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2

Fantome India Red Ale, holy fuck this is a horrible tome, triple gourmet levels of haunting

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Fantome has never made an IPA, so why not make an Indian red ale? Holy god is this a vegetal, duraflame log of sadness. The nose is oversaturated cone, aserose, lemon pledge, burnt incense and the crying of babies with crones disease.

The taste is far worse, not the latex “sick” bottles from the dark era, this is an unfortunately intentional disaster of resinous proportions. I love Dany and I ride that ghost dick hard like a PK sybian. This is just horrible from start to finish, I don’t know who this is for, maybe the ghost completionist like myself who loves getting his boner haunted.

It’s str8 danky protoplasm. Gross.

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TFW you pop a 1200 bottle count ghost at a tasting and whole foods ballers don’t know what a fantome is

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@thebruery Geriatric Hipster Club, fire up the ovaltine and get to bed by 7 pm

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This hoarders only beer was voted on by members, when asked which cocktail beer nerds wanted to see approximated, unsurprisingly they all voted for a manhattan. I wanted to see them use Gin barrels and make something truly apeshit, but instead we got this.

This is well inside the realm of their bourbon old ale wheel house, but it doesn’t really reinvent the game in terms of hitting the manhattan benchmark they set out to recreate.

If you had bourbon ba cuir, imagine a more attenuated version with candied orange peel and a lingering spice aspect. With the bourbon old ale base riffing from their anniversary beer half of the old fashioned sort of battle has been won, but in the closer there is a spice aspect where sweet bitters should be. Some would say a cherry or cocktail aspect is wanting to round out the profile.

In sum you have a slightly different analog of the bruery old ale you have put inside you so many times before and theres no compelling match the cost of entry on this forgettable entry.